You’ve never been one to join clubs, not even the Girl Scouts. Or maybe the idea of walking into a group of people who already know each other scares you senseless. It could be that you want to join one, but there is not one in existence where you live.

No matter the reason, many of us can’t join an already-established “moms’ group.” But the benefits of gathering with other mothers to share ideas or simply to chat can be profound. Starting your own moms’ group will probably take some time, but there’s no reason that it can’t be everything you want it to be. I started one 10 months ago, and while it grows and evolves constantly, we all look forward to the next time we’ll get together. You could have one up and running too before you know it.

I started with an online invitation to a wine-and-cheese party at my home and included everyone I know who has a child. Some of these women were merely friends of friends, and I wasn’t sure how people would respond. One woman failed to acknowledge the invitation, but everyone else was enthusiastic and affirmative. I had seven solid acceptances, including myself. Not a bad start.

The Basics
I requested that everyone bring a dish to share, something which continues to this day, although now we cover the menu from appetizers to sweets. That first time we all gorged on spinach dip and wine and probably got tipsier than we should have for a Sunday afternoon.

Since that day we have grown to 10 members and have switched from Sunday afternoons to Thursday nights. We have met at almost everyone’s house, almost every month. At some point in each gathering, we talk about the next time and someone offers to host. We bat around ideas for dates, but know that the decision will actually be made in e-mails in the weeks to come. Generally, the host throws out a few dates, and everyone replies with availability. It’s up the to host to figure out which date works for the most people: If we can’t get more than half, then we won’t meet.

Once a date has been decided, the host begins food ideas, and people reply with what they’d like to bring. Ours is a food-loving group, and we tend toward creating a seasonal feast: chips and salsa for June, squash soup for October, a cookie exchange for December. We have ideas about social outings, from a theater trip to a movie night; our next meeting will be at an Indian restaurant.

All our rules and regulations are negotiable. Nothing has been dictated or written in stone; we come to decisions as a group and organically. People miss meetings and new members are invited whenever the mood strikes. All are welcome and discussions are varied and fluid – we have a reputation of getting off-topic very fast. We laugh a lot and tell silly stories. We share family trouble and ask advice from those who are farther ahead. Some of us socialize outside the group, while some we only see once a month. And all of it is OK.

I’ve discovered a lot in starting this group, and the friendships that have started or been strengthened by it are vitally important to my life. If you too want the camaraderie and support of a moms' group, but don’t know where to start, here are a few important lessons I’ve learned:

1. Be Welcoming
Invite everyone you know, even if you’re not sure how they’ll mesh. People who seem quiet one on one may be the perfect addition to a large group. Make sure to tell your “A-listers” to ask anyone they think would be interested. Your friends all have acquaintances who could become more if given the opportunity, and again your never know who might be a good match.

One of the great pleasures of starting my group was making introductions and seeing who would click. I couldn’t wait to get Lara and Beatrice* together: Their sons are the same age and they live in the same suburb. They recently had a successful sleepover and the boys can’t wait to hang out again.

2. Be Patient
Frustrated that RSVPs are slow in coming? Remember that these women are also trying to raise a family and even work outside the home. Send out a gentle reminder that you need to finalize your menu and you need replies.

Annoyed that no one seems willing to host the next gathering? Recall the complications of your own life and understand that the timing may simply not be right for others. Suggest an outing this time, and maybe someone will enthusiastically step up to organize it.

Can’t seem to find more than two interested members? Put out the word that you are forming a group and want new people and continue meeting in the meantime – “If you build it, they will come.”

3. Be Flexible
Try not to get attached to a set idea of what your group will be. Group dynamics dictate that each one will be different based on who is in it. My friends and I began because we saw a group called The Mocha Moms featured on Oprah. They brought each other gifts, cooked and cleaned for new moms after childbirth, they met regularly and seemed to care for each other deeply. We wanted THAT! I started to fear we’d never get that when only two women did anything for one member’s newborn. One woman never made it to a second gathering, and the whole group still felt clunky after a couple of meetings. I lamented the fate of this group to myself. We’d never be anything more than a silly cocktail klatch.

Then again, so what if it’s never more than a cocktail klatch? Who doesn’t love a good cocktail klatch? These nights have been a blast, and I have gotten closer to a few of the women. We have the opportunity to have time away from home, surrounded by women who go through similar things, who can talk about anything from new paint colors to deciding to have a second child. So what if not everyone does something for a new mom? So what if we don’t meet every week and don’t have some cute name? We can’t be just like the group on TV, and who would want to be anyway? We are who we are, and we seem to be doing pretty well.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

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• Talk about it!