Our 18-month-old daughter has been a challenge since birth. She constantly screamed for the first six months and we were told she was a high-needs child and maybe a little colicky. So we answered all her cries and held her a lot, but usually nothing helped. Then at about 7 months she began to crawl and soon walked. She was running at 8 and half months and suddenly became very independent and did not want to be held often. She was generally very happy. We took away the bottle at about 13 months and continued to use the pacifier for bedtime emergencies only. That in itself was not a difficult task. She refused to sit in a high chair so we got her a bumper seat about the same time. She speaks many words can ask for what she wants or usually get it across somehow. She seems to be developing fine, except in some social categories. But since about 10 months she has been throwing extreme tantrums. First we thought it was because she couldn't tell us what she wanted or was frustrated in a new task (such as using a spoon). However she can now communicate very well what she wants and has no problems doing very delicate tasks, but her tantrums are worse than ever. She screams first. Then she will bang her head on the wall or floor. If that doesn't work, she'll throw herself backwards on the floor. When we try to console her she hits us or runs away screaming louder. Then she will continue to beat on the furniture or the cat. We do not give her spankings, time out is too hard for her to understand and ignoring her often results in an injury of a bruise to forehead and such. I don't know what to do anymore. She will carry on for an hour or more. It does seem to occur most often when told no or in a public place such as church on Sunday. But really it occurs at no certain time otherwise. Often it is out of the blue. Could she have a medical problem or a social problem or is she a normal high-needs child turned toddler? Please help us. We are at our wits end.
Try the following steps:
- First, have her checked out by your doctor, and make sure that there are no known medical causes for her behavior. If there is a medical cause, then the doctor will treat it.
- If there is no medical cause, then try and find a behavior analyst to assist you. This person should conduct an assessment, and then design a program for your daughter.
- If a behavior analyst is not available, collect some information about when and where the tantrums occur. Then, look at the information and try to identify patterns (e.g., are there certain situations in which the tantrums occur; do they occur after or before meals, etc.)
If a behavior analyst is not available, consider the following steps for the "in public" problem. Go in public for very short time periods. How long? Time how long it takes before she has a tantrum in public, then go for less time. While in public, give her some interesting activities to engage in. Also, give many rewards if she is good. For example, praise her by saying, "You are playing nicely!" If she is good for that short time period, take her home and reward her on the way home. If she acts up during this short time, take her someplace safe and have her calm down. Then return to the public place and start over. If this works, gradually increase the duration of the public outing.
NOTE: Try and figure out what kinds of public places provoke the tantrums. If there are certain situations with particular stimuli (e.g., really loud noises) that bother her, try and teach her to alert you that these events are upsetting her. If she communicates this problem, take her away from the offending stimulus.
- Consider the following steps for tantrums after being told "no." When she wants something that she cannot have, think for a moment if the item is not available now or never available. If the item is not available now, but will be later, explain this to your child. If she accepts the explanation without tantrums, then praise her and offer some other interesting activity in which to engage. When the item is available, then provide it to her and remind her that she waited patiently for it.
If she has a tantrum, ensure she is safe and merely allow the tantrum to run its course. Do not ôgive inö to her while she is tantrumming: Do not provide the item/activity that she originally requested, as this will teach her that tantrums pay off! After the tantrum is over, resume normal activities. When the item becomes available, make sure that she has exhibited some good behavior for a period of time (e.g., 15 minutes) before she actually receives the item.
If the item is never available, suggest other activities that your child may experience. If she chooses one of these, shower her with praise and other rewards. If she has a tantrum, ensure she is safe and allow the tantrum to run its course. As above, do not ôgive inö to her while the tantrum is occurring. After it is over, resume normal activities. Save special treats or activities for a period of time with good behavior (e.g., 15 minutes).
The basic strategy is for the child to learn that appropriate behavior has a better payoff than tantrums. Thus, appropriate behavior produces many desirable events, while tantrums do not.
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