Children this age do not have the language skills to express their needs and wants. Often their frustration at not being able to communicate leads to hitting. Your daughter's behavior is not uncommon and you are on the right track in the way you are responding to her. Still, I know it is frustrating when her hitting occurs.

It may be helpful to try to identify what triggers her frustration. Is she having trouble reaching a toy? Is she hungry? Is she tired? Does she want you to pick her up? Is she over-stimulated? Does she want an item that a friend is playing with? If you can identify the triggers to her frustration, you can help her by verbalizing her feelings and when appropriate distracting her with another fun activity.

For example, you notice your daughter wants to play with a toy that a friend is using. You verbalize her feelings, "Tracy is playing with the baby doll and you want to play with it now." You distract her with another activity until it is her turn. "Let's play with this cuddly puppy right now and when Tracy is done with her turn, you can take a turn." Your daughter may not understand all of what you are saying, but she will get the jest.

Hitting does get people's attention. If your daughter wants the toy from her friend and you are not present to intervene, she may go over to her friend and hit her. As a result, she gets the doll. Mission accomplished.

Even at this young age your daughter is capable of understanding that hitting is not acceptable. She may not understand the concept that hitting hurts, but she knows that when she hits she gets action and attention.

When she hits, respond immediately. Be calm, but use a firm voice. "We do not hit." If she is playing with a friend and hits, pick her up and remove her from the situation. Do not allow her to continue playing in that area.

You are right that it is helpful to give your daughter an alternative for the negative behavior. Once you remove her from the situation, continue to model the appropriate behaviors, "soft, gentle touches." Her hitting has become a habit, a natural impulse to her frustration. It may take some time for her to change her behaviors. Continue the approach you are on. Eventually, she will get the idea and as she grows older she will be better able to express her needs and wants verbally.

Be sure to communicate your concerns to your daughter's daycare workers so they can reinforce the approach you are using at home.

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