 | Diary Navigation:
|
Introduction
I logged on to post an update and found, to my surprise, my diary had been moved from Babies Today to Toddlers Today. (Even though I requested a move to Mom’s Today because I am afraid Ava will be in Kindergarten before they bother to move me again) For the six people who read my diary at Babies Today, I’ll keep this reintroduction brief for your benefit – or feel free to skip over this part. For anyone new to my story you’ll find several months of long winded entries under the “Graduates” section of Babies Today. If you need help getting to sleep some night you can start there!
My name is Kate despite being listed as Kathryn under the diary names – that is my full name but no one uses it. Unfortunately that is the name on my email address and that’s what I Parenting grabbed on to. I am 32, nearly 33 years old. I am married to a wonderful, sensitive, caring, intelligent, funny and generally fantastic man named John, who is nine years older than me. Our love story began a little over five years ago and continues to this day. We will celebrate our four year wedding anniversary in November. John has two terrific kids from a previous marriage, Meghan, who just turned 17 and Lane who is nearly 16. John and his former wife share a fairly unique custody arrangement and Meghan and Lane are with us four nights a week and at their mother’s three nights a week. We live about 2 miles apart. Despite the proximity I would describe my relationship with John’s ex-wife as fair to partly sunny. We don’t chat on the phone and tell each other secrets, but we’re generally friendly to each other and she has been pretty accepting of my role in her children’s life. In turn I try to remain ever mindful that Meghan and Lane have two parents, they don’t need more parents, but every child can benefit from having caring, loving adults in their life.
Two years ago on a gorgeous Fall day I found out I was pregnant after 14 months of ‘trying’ (aren’t you glad you were spared the details of that?) to have a baby. Despite an early ‘scare’ where some mild spotting led a semi-competent nurse mid-wife to order two weeks worth of HCG levels every few days and announce to me at work that I would most certainly miscarry, my pregnancy progressed fairly normally and without further incident. I loved carrying my baby. I was excited and nervous and tuned in to every detail of that pregnancy. I loved every thump and bump, the hiccups that came everyday around 3pm... When we found out at nearly 20 weeks we were having a baby girl I was thrilled. In all honesty I did not have a gender preference prior to finding out, but as soon as I knew I couldn’t imagine anything but raising a daughter.
After a long, horrible, no good, very bad labor that involved water breaking at work in an ocean of fluid, 21 hours with Pitocin and an ineffective epidural and the help of some forceps Ava Jane entered the world on May 28th at 11:37am. She was (and is) the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. Ava has completed our family, brought us all closer together and changed my world in the most radical way. As with nearly every mother I’ve ever talked to, the depth and intensity of my love for her is indescribable. I was simply not prepared for how much I would love being a mom. I am someone’s mom. Today Ava is a very active, clever and precocious little girl. She is sixteen months old, loves to play outside with her wagon, walk in the neighborhood, read her books and listen to music.
Apart from thinking I invented motherhood and mother-love, I am a work-outside the home mom who is currently engaged in a bit of a professional crisis. (More on that later) I coach a high school colorguard team each Fall, which is something I really enjoy, but currently takes more time than I feel like I have. I am an enthusiastic participant in the novice program at our local rowing club and a somewhat consistent gym-goer. I have a number of mini-addictions including, but not limited to ‘In-Style’ magazine, diet Coke, red wine, good food, the Food Network and ‘Law and Order.’
And now for our regularly scheduled update….
Meghan has her first real boyfriend – a fairly vanilla young man, but nice enough I suppose. In my opinion those first boyfriends are ‘practice’ for all the ups and downs of relationships. Ups and downs that, frankly, continue even when you find your soul mate/partner and commit to a life together. It is hard to watch her learn the painful lessons of not being ‘too available’ or ‘too clingy.’ And it is things you have to learn. And it can take a long time. While I abhor much of what the1990’s phenomenon “The Rules” stands for, there are some take-aways that are worthwhile. I believe in the notion that you invest in yourself, know yourself, take care of yourself and you will be attractive to people. No matter what there isn’t much that is more appealing than a person who is living their life fully and not waiting for another person to fill in the empty spaces. And, realizing I am making a sweeping generalization, I think men enjoy a little bit of the hunt. Even now, five years after John and I began dating and planning our life together, I notice these things in our loving, secure marriage. Meghan is an independent, passionate, willful young woman. She’ll learn and I only hope the heartbreak is minimal because it is inevitable. While no one is good enough for her, she can do better than this guy!
Lane has been keeping a brutal schedule this fall. He plays the snare drum in the marching band and is also a football player. We have marching practice every morning at 6:45am, but three mornings a week Lane is at school at 6am watching tape or lifting weights for football – he’s playing on both the sophomore team and the junior varsity, so he has games twice a week and practice on the days he doesn’t have games. We thought he’d been battling a little virus because he would run a slight fever, have a severe head ache and be very lethargic. He missed a day or two of school, but was mostly soldiering through it. His mother took him to the doctor and it was determined that he is not taking in enough fluids or carbohydrates. I’m glad it is such an easily fixable problem, but feel sort of bad that we over looked something fairly obvious! We’ve been carbing him up at night with lots of pasta and bread, but trying to also makes sure he gets some nice protein for all the weight lifting as well. He’s doing just great in school and it almost makes me wonder if his busy schedule is helping him allocate his time well.
Saturday night we had dinner at our friend’s house – they just welcomed baby Sophia, who I’ve mentioned in past entries. Jim made enchiladas and they were just scrumdilly – so good! One with potatoes, peas and cheese, another with chirizo, mushrooms and goat cheese. I ate three, which was about two past full, but they were so good! We brought Ava, who struggled a little bit with jealousy over the baby. Normally our little girl is on the go, much too interested in the world around her to spend a lot of time with mom and dad! Let me tell you she was glued to our side the minute either of us paid the slightest bit of attention to Sophia. And we did decide we might want to begin offering Ava’s baby proofing services because her tear through the house was good insight for Jim and Sandra to see all the things they need to do once Sophia is mobile!
Sunday John had some work to do, so I took Ava to the library, the park and then grocery shopping. She got a little over stimulated at the library. Ava absolutely loves books and seeing so many in one place was about more than she could handle. She kept pulling them off the shelves, moving to sit down in the little Ava sized chairs, then going back for more. I don’t think the librarian was terribly amused, but I did re-shelve the books once we were done. I moved over to the adult section to pick up a specific book (a new-ish Linda Fairstein novel) and my little stinker started running all through the shelves. I lost her for a few moments and actually got a little scared. She was being very quiet – I think she was hiding from me – because when I rounded the corner and found her she burst into fits of laughter.
I think it is completely shameless that our neighborhood development doesn’t have a park. We live in one of those developments where they punch out about sixty houses that all have similar floor plans… you know the ones. Completely un-original. But we needed a house, it was new, nice and in our price range. Our next house will be one I plan to live in for a long, long time. It is hard to be very enthusiastic about making improvements when we know we will probably only be there another 3 to 3 ½ years at the most. But I digress. Our neighborhood is absolutely teeming with young children. How hard would it have been for the developer to build in a little park – some swings, some slides? I hate having to drive Ava to the park – she loves it so much, but it becomes kind of a production. Sunday afternoon we spent about an hour playing at the park after the library. She especially loves the slide. The playground had a little faux-rock wall that was well suited to toddlers – large places to put little feet and hands. She would climb the wall (with me behind her) to the top and then slide down the slide (on my lap). Over and over again. She likes the swings too, but loses interest a little more quickly.
When we got home from the grocery store Sunday Ava was filthy, tired, but oh-so happy. It got me thinking how much I wish I had the flexibility in my schedule to do things like that with her more than on weekends. I ache being away from her. Every mom (at least all the ones I know and have read about) struggles with the balance of work and motherhood. How to do it, if to do it etc… In our case my staying home is not an option, financially, so I can’t even entertain it as an option. I do believe if it were an option I would take this time, before Ava starts school, to be home with her. I feel happy and satisfied when I have that connection to her and I miss her in ways that are almost biological when I’m at work all day. Probably my ideal would be part time work where I could stay connected professionally, bring in some money and achieve a bit more balance. But I know those jobs are few and far between. I continue to fuss and stew about what to do professionally. I have to be patient, trust myself and let some things sort themselves out, but it is hard.
This week I made a rookie mistake with my girl. Wednesday night she was uber-fussy. I don’t know if she was tired, teething or just generally not in a good mood. She kept saying ‘more, more, more’ to everything, but then didn’t want anything. Ava was trying to feed herself some yogurt, but was frankly giving me hell in the process. She was fussing and I went on ahead and popped some yogurt in her open mouth. Cough, cough, choke, choke, a little spit up of yogurt. Pass the bad mommie award. Why on Earth did I think that I pseudo-crying baby would feel better with a little yogurt shoved in her mouth? Thursday morning Ava woke up after I was already in the shower. John fed her breakfast and was back in her nursery getting her dressed when I came to check on them. I walked in and they were sitting in the glider rocker, wrestling with her socks. Ava looked up at me when I walked in, got a huge smile on her face and blew me a kiss. It was so darn sweet - it took a lot of rocket fuel to get me out of the house that morning. But I decided it was her way of telling me the whole yogurt incident was no big deal. Thanks Ava!
We’ve been trying to gradually introduce more baby signs to Ava, which I can’t recommend highly enough. This week we’ve been working on ‘gentle.’ Ava understands ‘gentle’ and does the sign really well. But now she’s added a little something extra…. When we say ‘gentle’ and do the sign, she takes that opportunity to bestow a hug and a kiss. It turns me to mush.
I’m going to close since adding the introduction has turned this into quite a lengthy entry. Tune in next week for tales of shopping for a dress to wear to wedding in a barn, talking my husband into watching “Jersey Girl” (Ben is mis-understood) and whatever extra-adorable thing my daughter is up to in the coming days.
Thanks for reading—
--Kate
PS “No Picture Available’ is just not true. If you want to take a peak at what we all look like check out Ava’s Babies Online page. I haven’t updated it in about two months, but you’ll get the idea!
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/p/patito/
Password = Patito
 | |
|
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community. Click here to start...
|
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families. 
