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January 9, 2003
January 9, 2003
Before I start, I want to first say congratulations to my dear friend Mary (who I met through this site) who just found out this past Monday that she is pg – and only after one cycle of trying, you lucky little thing. Congratulations Mary! I am so happy for you. You and I have been through so much since we first met, almost two years ago exactly. When we met, I wasn’t even pg and you weren’t even married. Now look how far we both have come. I am very grateful to iParenting for having this site otherwise we would never have met. You are a great friend. I can’t wait to share this entire pg with you, to help you plan, shop and prepare. Most of all, I can’t wait to meet and hold this baby. I wish you a healthy and happy pg and delivery and most of all, a healthy, happy baby.
Almost 10 Months
I don’t know WHY I always do this to myself – I wait weeks to post a new entry and then I have SO many new topics to cover that my entry ends up being 80 pages long! Ok, let me backtrack a few weeks.
Christmas Party and the Misconception that Girls are Better
On December 15 we had a Christmas party for some of Charles’ staff at our house (about 50 people), and everything really turned out nicely. Everyone appeared to have a good time and I was happy with the way our Christmas decorations turned out – we even put outside lights on this pine tree on our front lawn – a major deal for us because Charles HATES outdoor lights and I love them. Anyway, it was nice being able to entertain people in our HOUSE for the first time in our lives, made us feel like grown-ups.
The only “glitch” in the entire evening was when one of Charles’ coworkers, (who had a baby girl 4 months ago), was leaving. I held her daughter and told her how cute her baby was. The coworker responded, “Oh yes, it is so great having a girl, girls are the absolute best, it’s too bad, maybe you can have one next time.” Now I fully realize this woman didn’t mean anything by her innocent comment (at least I hope she didn’t), but I ask you – is this not a inappropriate comment to say to someone, as if to imply that the opposite sex is not as good? I was so taken off guard that I had absolutely nothing to say and it was only minutes after she left that I came up with a dozen responses, such as “Well, I think having a boy is the best and wouldn’t trade him for 5 girls.” Which is exactly how I feel about Cameron. Nothing too sharp or cutting, but definitely enough to get my point across. Instead I stood there mouth agape, like a moron. What I have learned from this exchange: people honestly need to think before they speak, because that comment was just plain stupid. Boys and girls are equal, neither is better than the other. If I am lucky, I will get to experience both in my lifetime and if I don’t, I will still die a very happy woman.
9 Month Check-Up
Cameron had his 9 month check-up on December 16. His stats are as follows: - height: 28&1/2 inches (75th percentile), weight: 18 lbs (10th percentile), and head circumference: 17&1/2 (25th percentile). I told you he was skinny. Well, I guess skinny is the wrong word – he is extremely muscular for a baby. There is not one roll of fat on him. I asked the doctor is I should be worried that his weight percentage keeps dropping and he told me no, that the reason Cameron is dropping weight is because he is so active (and that he is), but he hasn’t increased his food consumption to match his increased activity, i.e., crawling EVERYWHERE. So I felt reassured that Cameron was/is in perfect health. The only downside to the entire exam was when Cameron had his ears examined, something he hates. He was naked and when he stood up, still crying after the whole ordeal, he was so upset he peed a perfect arc right onto my nice wool pants, fresh out of the dry cleaners. First thing out of my mouth – “Oh, shit.” It was one of my classier moments.
His Hearing
On December 20th, Cameron had a complete hearing exam performed at Georgetown University Hospital and it was determined that Cameron does in fact have hearing loss in both ears, albeit slight. The audiologist informed us that he has what they consider to be functional hearing loss and the cause is unknown although it is extremely rare for a child to have haring loss when 1) there is no family history of it and 2) the delivery was normal and not traumatic. So, I still remain baffled over that one, not that it matters now. Anyway, the audiologist says that they know Cameron is hearing everything, the question is, how does he hear it – softly? Muffled? Distorted? The example she gave is this: We may call his name “Cameron” and he may either hear: “Ameron” or Amero.” Or, he may indeed hear “Cameron,” but nothing is absolutely certain. She said the hearing loss could mainly affect how he hears consonants. However, they really cannot be sure about any of it until he is old enough to be asked what he is hearing and respond accordingly. So, as a preventive measure, the recommended “cure” is hearing aids, perhaps only temporarily. When I first heard this news, I immediately started to get that panicky feeling but the more I really thought about it, I kept saying to myself, “this is not a big deal, this is not a big deal,” and honestly, I feel that way today. It isn’t a big deal, as long as he can hear normally, what the hell do I care how he hears? I did ask about implants but was told implants are only for people with severe hearing loss, which Cameron apparently does not have. I was told that most adults with Cam’s level of hearing loss could function normally without hearing aids but because they are reluctant to take a chance with his language development, they recommend he wear them. I agree. I know that this is a complete reverse of sentiment compared to the months before, but now that I have solid answers and sound reasons behind the testing, I feel confident that this is the right thing for my baby. I certainly would rather be safe than sorry and who knows? Maybe he won’t need them after he is 3 years old, but if he does, oh well, right?
The only traumatic part of the entire experience was when they sedated Cameron for the test. They gave him chloryll (sp?) hydrate which knocked him out but the painful part was that he was starving, poor thing – he was not allowed to eat 6 hours before the procedure and by the time he was actually seen and tested, over TWELVE hours had elapsed for him without food or drink. Can you imagine? Afterward when they were taking molds of his ears for the aids, he screamed and cried and kept reaching for me and that is when I burst into tears, he just looked so damn pitiful and I cursed him having to go through any of this. It is a very old cliché but it rings true: if I could switch places with him, I would. In a heartbeat.
Now here comes me on my soapbox and if you don’t want to hear a diatribe regarding my feelings on our healthcare system, then skip this part – the first thing out of the audiologist’s mouth, right before she takes the molds are “You do realize that hearing aids are never covered by insurance and that they are very expensive. She pauses. I ask her “What’s expensive?” She says: “$2600.” I look at Charles and he looks at me. Then she adds: “Each.”
So – here is what I have to say about all that: a few weeks ago People Magazine featured Al Roker and his dramatic weight loss which was the result of his gastric bypass surgery. He lost nearly 150 lbs (I believe) through an intricate procedure that involves stapling the stomach, preventing him from consuming large quantities of food. In the article, Roker admits to trying every diet and failing to maintain the willpower required to stick to them. His last resort was this surgery which cost approximately $50,000. Now here comes the sickening part – the entire procedure was covered by his insurance.
I ask you, HOW is it fair that a surgery that costs THAT much, whose necessity is debatable, can be covered by insurance when my son’s hearing aids are considered outside the scope of necessity and are therefore not covered? To me the message is that it is more important to look good than it is to hear, and I for one am OUTRAGED at the implication. And though I realize that the income of the patient has no bearing on the coverage applicability, I think it is sickening that a man who can cough up $50,000 probably more easily as I can cough up $50, gets to have this surgery covered by insurance. Because you know what? $5200 is a LOT of money for us to come up with me not working – there is no pay-as-you-go plan, they want their money now. The thing that I guess really saddens me is what happens to people who truly can’t afford to pay for hearing aids, do they not get them or do they get a substandard kind (the kind Cameron will be getting are super high-tech, digital and everything and also, they are very small). I think it is all just horrible.
Again, I do realize that it is a major health hazard for someone to be overweight but you know what? That man has enough money to hire a personal trainer, a cook, you name it. And even if he didn’t, if he simply stopped eating, (proven by his surgery which lessened his consumption of food), he would have lost weight on his own but he didn’t have the willpower to do it. He didn’t have a glandular problem, he didn’t have some unheard of medical condition or an abnormally high metabolism that prevented him from losing weight. The man loved to eat – plain and simple. The difference between the two situations is my son has no control over the level of his hearing, if he had all the willpower on this earth, he still couldn’t will his hearing to be perfect, so how does one justify not paying for what it takes to cure him?
The end result for me is that I feel as though the healthcare system doesn’t give a damn about my son, or his hearing, and that all they want is to get paid for the tests they perform and the treatment they provide. The only end result that I care about is that Cameron can hear well and that he is happy. Hearing aids or not, I know that will be the case and as long as I am alive, I will do everything in MY power to make sure that is true.
We are still consulting with the doctor/expert in NYC to see what he thinks of the test results and of the recommended treatment. Cameron will not be getting his hearing aids until we get the go-ahead from Dr. P so a copy of the test results have been forwarded to him and hopefully we will have our “final answer” very soon.
Christmas and Cameron’s First Trip Abroad
The following weekend was spent getting ready for our trip – shopping, packing, wrapping gifts, etc. To say it was hectic would be an understatement. I felt like my head was spinning and that the walls were closing in around me. To make matters worse, Charles got sick with a flu bug the day before we left (the 23rd), so he was basically out of commission. The day we left we decided to open our Christmas gifts (most of which were for Cameron), even though Cameron was asleep when we did it. Cameron had not been himself since his sedation the previous Friday and was sleeping an awful lot. So right before we were ready to leave for the airport (we had to be there at 7:30 for our 10:30 flight and we live about 5 miles from the airport), we opened all the gifts. We did this because we were afraid that if by some remote chance someone broke into the house while we were gone and saw all these gifts under the tree, they’d be stolen. So as we were pressed for time, we literally tore through everything until our living room was nothing but a wasteland of paper and ribbons. We were going so fast we barely realized what we were opening, it was really stupid and I regret having gone about it all that way – I didn’t even get any video of Cameron in all the mess, he was too out of it.
Cameron got so many toys from friends and relatives, it was almost embarrassing – a Fisher Price Basketball hoop, a FP lawnmower that blows bubbles (both put away for when he is older), a toy robot, the Playskool Airtivity Table, a little plastic tricycle, an Activity Walker, a Barney doll and video (thanks Nancy, you little troublemaker), blocks, books, balls, games, Legos and stuffed animals. It was completely ridiculous and almost sinful when you think how many needy kids go without and here is Cameron, barely old enough to know his own name with more toys than he can ever play with. Our family room looked like a daycare center so what I did was take the advice of some smart ladies on this site and put a bunch of toys away for another month after Cameron gets bored of the first round. I have to say though, I was truly touched by the generosity of all our friends and family, I would have never expected such a display.
• The Airport
When we left for the airport, Cameron was freshly bathed and wearing a new outfit. Once we arrived, Charles dropped Cameron and me off with the bags while he went to go park the car. I settled in at one of the restaurants with a salad and a delicious beer, finally able to relax after weeks of stress and hectic activity, thinking “This is the life.” Cameron, who had just been fed, sat quietly in his spanking new stroller, fresh out of the box (so you see where this is going)? He was teething and moaning and seemed a little warm, so I gave him some Motrin not only to ease his discomfort, but to hopefully make him sleep through the flight. Not 10 seconds after Cameron had swallowed does he start throwing up everywhere, projectile vomiting like he has never projectile vomited before. (He had been sporadically vomiting ever since his sedation the previous Friday).Vomit was coming at me, flying to the sides, going upward – it was a sight to see. There was vomit all over my clothes, the floor, the stroller looked like someone had dumped a trough of milk and cottage cheese into it and Cameron? Well, he looked like someone had just tossed him into a vat of bile. The poor thing was nearly soaked from head to toe, I felt so bad for the little guy, he didn’t deserve this. Still, I was amazed - how a body that little can hold that much puke is beyond me.
So here I am, in the airport with vomit everywhere, a child dripping in it, my mouth hanging open in shock, and not a clue as to what to do. I couldn’t take Cameron to the restroom to try to clean him up because I couldn’t leave the bags. I certainly couldn’t drag the 4 HUGE suitcases and 4 carry-on bags and the stroller with me into the ladies’ room, so instead I just sat there and waited for Charles to get back. The whole time I waited I felt as though people were walking by and looking at me as if to say “Are you really going to let your baby sit there in a pile of puke? But what could I do? My first instinct was to bury my head in the proverbial sand and cry, my second was to stare into space and fantasize about a situation that didn’t so closely resemble Hell. My second instinct prevailed.
After Charles finally arrived, I whisked Cam off to the bathroom where I attempted to clean him off – not an easy task. The thing is, you could not have conjured up a possibly worse scenario – Corinne+airport (filth)+vomit+public restroom+no soap+cold water=Pure Hell. First, I stripped Cameron of everything he was wearing and all the diaper cloths I had used to try and wipe him off and threw it ALL in the trash – no sense in carrying vomit soaked items across the Atlantic and stinking up the whole plane. Next, I took some baby shampoo that I found in the diaper bag (don’t ask me what happened to the soap I normally keep in there), and tried to wash Cameron off, little by little without letting him get cold. The water in the restroom only came out as lukewarm so I didn’t really want to get too much on him. I managed to wash his hair with a damp washcloth and some shampoo, since his hair just reeked, and was also able to wash his face, neck and upper body enough so that he no longer smelled. After he was washed as well as I could manage, I covered him in baby lotion and put pajamas on him. He actually was none the worse for wear and seemed pretty clean and content so I was happy. Then I brought him back out to Charles who gave Cam another bottle.
Next I took the stroller back to the bathroom and proceeded to completely wash it out, and after I was done, the stroller was soaking wet and still had that vomit smell. (When we got to my Aunt’s I later sprayed some Febreze all over the stroller which completely eliminated any lingering odors. Yes, they actually have Febreze in France too). The stroller ended up looking fine and seemed like it would be OK once it dried. Still, I was pissed because I couldn’t use it because it was so wet. I ended up having to carry Cameron anyway.
Then, two very aggravating things occurred. The first was that the buzzer went off when I went through the metal detector. The security officer asked me to step aside so that I could be “examined.” I honestly didn’t mind that this happened to me because I believe that we have to have the highest level of security in these dangerous times and if the buzzer sounded it was for good reason. The officer asked if I had any metal on me, any knives, guns or weapons. I said no but asked if the buzzer could have possibly sounded due to my ring, watch or bracelet? The security officer said that no, those things wouldn’t have caused the buzzer to sound. So – I was then padded down in front of a crowd of people, completely felt up, mind you – which would have been all right if the entire scenario hadn’t ended with having these words spoken to me: “Ma’am, you are free to go. It appears that the reason the buzzer sounded was because of your ring, watch or bracelet.”
The second annoying thing that happened was that when we arrived at the gate, there were a bunch of strollers folded up and ready to be gate checked: all of them huge and bulky. One person even had the audacity to bring an enormous jogging stroller, not that it was their fault. I totally blame Air France for telling me I needed to get an umbrella stroller because my regular stroller was too big. If I had known that my regular stroller was good enough, I could have saved money and not bought that stupid MacLaren (which I have to admit, I LOVE). But still, it’s just the principal of the thing.
The actual trip was not bad, though I didn’t sleep one bit. You would think after Cameron’s ordeal that he would have slept the entire flight but oh no, my baby decided that he was going to have a ball dancing on my knees all night long. Charles and I kept switching off but it didn’t really help, we were both a mess – just tired and beat down by the whole evening. Cameron, however, was in rare form. He bounced and babbled and cackled and climbed and just had a grand time. He spent all of about 2 hours in his little bassinet provided by the airline, this bed type of thing that hung in front of us in the bulkhead. Needless to say, by the time we arrived 8 hours later, I was a wreck.
France
Being in France was obviously very nice, I mean it would be pretty difficult not to have a good time in this country. It was nice getting to “introduce” Cameron to family members who hadn’t seen him and to spend time with people I hadn’t seen in a couple of years. We stayed with my Aunt Claire and Uncle Jacques in Rouen, about an hour outside of Paris. Additionally there were my parents, my Aunt Madeleine, my cousin Francois and his wife Nathalie, their little 2 year old son Alexandre, and my other cousin Philippe. My middle cousin Pierre couldn’t be there unfortunately but still, it was nice having most everyone present. The day we arrived, it was Christmas Eve and essentially all we did the entire day was eat. The amount of food that was served was mind-boggling, not to mention, delicious – pate, oysters, cheese and bread, not to mention the main course – Raclette – one of my favorite meals. BTW – Raclette is basically a meal of cheese, potatoes, eggs, dried meat, little pickles and pearl onions all cooked on this special machine (the Raclette machine). The concept is sort of like fondue meaning, you have a little heating tray and you place whatever you like on the tray - cheese, meat, eggs, whatever – and shove it into the machine which is basically a sort of square pot with a flame underneath it, and you cook your tray of food for a minute or so. It is so delicious and of course, so fattening but hey, life is short.
In France, at least in my family, they open gifts on Christmas Eve but since we were all tired and jet-lagged, we waited until Christmas morning and opened our gifts like a “normal” American family. Cameron once again, received a lot of nice gifts, including clothes and a couple of French books and toys. One of them is this little electronic French book that every time you turn a page, plays a traditional French children’s song which I thought was nice for Cameron to be able to learn.
Naturally we visited Paris and took Cameron to all the stereotypical French sites – the Louvre, Notre Dame, Opera, etc. We walked him along the Seine in his stroller and went shopping in some of the major department stores. We even took him on the Metro. A lot of people had asked me before we left if we were going to buy a lot of clothes for Cameron since they have so many nice things in France but to be honest, Cameron already has so many clothes that he hasn’t even worn them all yet, some still have the tags on them. Additionally, all the clothes that were available were for the dead of winter and it won’t be long before it is warm in VA. I figured we only have about 3 months left of really cold weather, if that, and it would be stupid to buy more clothes for Cameron that he doesn’t really need. If they had had clothes for warmer weather, I would have bought some things. I suppose I could have bought clothes for next year but again, he already received a bunch of stuff from my relatives and I just didn’t feel like guesstimating what size Cameron will be wearing 10 months from now. It would be easier to have my relatives just send him something. It was hard not buy him anything though, the clothes were just too stinking cute.
One day we drove to Omaha Beach to see the cemetery where all the American soldiers were buried after the war. I had already been a couple of times but Charles had never been so the whole family decided to go as well. It was quite impressive and Charles was moved by the whole experience. It was sort of weird because after got back from our trip, we rented Saving Private Ryan and saw the exact spots where we had walked and it was incredibly strange to see. We also drove to D’Eauville for an evening, after visiting the beaches, and watched how the other half lives. What an amazing town that was, the sheer opulence and wealth. Must be nice.
I must interject here to add something that Charles mentioned regarding Cameron’s hearing, so forgive me while I digress a moment…when watching SPR, I commented to Charles on the subject matter of the film. (If you are unfamiliar with the story, it is essentially about WWII and the battles fought on the beaches of Normandy. During the war, three brothers are killed. The fourth brother (played by Matt Damon), is still alive and fighting in the war. The mother of all four sons is notified in person that three of her sons have died. When the government learns that this poor woman has lost 3 of her 4 sons, they decide to find this fourth brother and send him home so that there will be at least one son left in the family). While watching the movie, during the scene where the mother is notified that her sons have died, I commented to Charles that the pain one must suffer upon learning of their child’s death has to be unimaginable. And to lose three at once! You might as well just kill me, I’d never be able to go on. Anyway, Charles said to me “I know it still bothers you some days that Cameron has to go through all this crap with his ears. I know you feel better now that we know his hearing is just slightly affected, but I realize you still get down about it sometimes (I do), and that you wonder why this happened.” He is right, I still often wonder what is God’s plan in Cameron’s life, what was really the point (if any) of making him have a hearing loss? So Charles said, “Did it ever occur to you that 20 years from now there might be a terrible war and there might be a draft again, and that Cameron will be spared because of his hearing? Maybe the whole point is that WE will be spared some future heartache because of his hearing, because the way I see it – you will never have to endure what that poor woman did,” as he referred to the screen where the mother of the 3 dead sons collapsed to the ground.
Now, I know that this sort of reasoning is a real long shot and sort of a roundabout way of justifying Cameron’s situation, but it is comforting to think that regardless of the reason, in some remote way, perhaps there really is a point to it all, that somehow, some good may come of it. Who knows? Maybe Cameron will become a doctor (one can hope), and make amazing strides in correcting hearing loss. Or maybe he will work with hearing impaired people. Or maybe he will do nothing at all but having this condition will just make him a tougher person in general and this will help him later in life. Who knows? But at any rate, as unpatriotic as it may sound, and as remote the possibility, it was comforting, if only for a moment, to think that I never have to worry about my son serving in the military. Don’t get me wrong, I believe we need to serve our country and defend it, and if it means my son has to go, then so be it. I am as proud as of our men and women currently serving and defending our country, as I would be my own son, should he ever serve. However – I am no fool and if he has any viable way out then I will make sure he uses it. Again, I realize we are grasping here, but we will take what we can get and try to look on the bright side. Of course, we are assuming that a hearing impairment would make you ineligible to serve, we could be wrong. The point is that there is meaning behind everything and though we might not understand why now, we just have to trust that things happen for a reason.
New Year’s Eve was spent packing and eating yet another huge meal. As embarrassing as it is to admit, we were in bed by 10 – is that sad or what? What self-respecting thirty-something goes to bed in France on New Year’s Eve, at 10 o’clock? Pathetic is what we are, but I was just exhausted and ready to go home. Though the trip was fun, traveling with a baby is one tiring experience.
We returned to the states on New Year’s Day and the flight home was much more pleasant that the flight coming over. The only sour spot during it all was when we were checking our bags and were told that we would have to check the stroller because there would be no one at the gate to check it. After all the trouble I had gone through to get a small stroller for this flight and now they were telling me I couldn’t even use it. Boy was I pissed. Once again, Air France had screwed me over. Even more irritating was the fact that when we boarded, several other families had their strollers with them and were able to check them onto the plane. Clearly another ticket agent must have checked their bags but still, I was not thrilled. If I had the energy and the time, I’d write AF a nasty letter but then again, what purpose would that serve? They could care less how I feel and would probably throw the letter in the trash. To say I am unimpressed with this airline is an understatement. The only phrase that comes to mind when I think of this airline is “They suck,” and the next time I go back to France, I’m choosing another airline.
Back in the U.S.A.
When we got home the first thing we wanted to do was unpack. We put Cameron to bed at 7:30 and unpacked until about 12:30 a.m. Mind you, according to our bodies it was about 6:30 in the morning. Needless to say, we were exhausted. Just as we go to lay our heads down, the wailing starts. Cameron is now ready to get up and play. I got up, changed him, gave him a bottle and put him back in his crib. This turned out to be a complete waste of time because Cameron just cried his eyes out so I picked him up and did something I never do – brought him into our bed. Charles and I were so exhausted that we didn’t even care, we were so tired we couldn’t move. (We were also exhausted because while in France, Cameron stayed in a crib in our room and he didn’t sleep through the night once – we were up at least twice a night for nearly ten days). Amazingly enough, Cameron fell asleep between us as both Charles and I tried not to move an inch. It was a horrible “night’s” sleep and at about 4:30 a.m., it got even worse. That’s when I suddenly became what I felt to be deathly ill. I was ache-y and sore, felt like I had fever and was sick to my stomach. At around 5:00 Charles got up with Cameron but I was too sick to notice or care. I felt like I was dying. This was a completely new sensation for me because I never get sick. I think the last flu I had was when I was 13. By around 6 a.m. I felt the worst of all and crept into the bathroom, laid my head down on the cool tile floor and slept that way for about a half hour. When I woke up, I felt even sicker yet I made it to the toilet and puked until I thought I would die. You know you’re sick when you are puking nothing but dry heaves and trust me when I say, there is not much that feels worse. I was completely dehydrated and went downstairs to get something to drink. I had some o.j. and not 5 minutes later was running to the toilet again to vomit the little bit of juice I’d consumed. I then went back to bed but I couldn’t rest because all I kept thinking was “Oh my God, I only have an hour before Charles has to leave for work, I only have a half hour, 15 minutes, 10 minutes!!!!” I kept agonizing over the fact that I’d have to care for poor Cameron in my debilitated state. I felt at the time that Cameron could be choking on the floor and there would be now way I could move to help him, I felt THAT sick. (Slight exaggeration here because I’d have to be dead not to try and help my child, but you get the point). Luckily for me, Charles took yet another day off to take care of Cameron so that I could rest. I was so sick all day that “resting” translated into leaning up against the toilet bowl or lying in front of the fireplace with 50 blankets over me. My fever never got higher than 101 but it felt like 110. I was just freezing that whole day.
By Saturday I began to feel like my old self again, thanks to my mother who came to stay and take care of me and thanks to Charles. The only great part of it was losing 4 lbs. That almost made it all worth it. It’s funny when you think about it all though, I’ve been in contact with more vomit in this one year than a college frat house has been in ten.
What He’s Up To
And that brings us to today and Cameron’s current doings.
*Nursing – Cameron is officially weaned. I made it through the perfunctory nine months and I am satisfied. I had not intended to nurse for nine months but since Cameron took about that long to sprout his one tooth, it wasn’t that big a deal. I had planned to stop nursing before we left for our trip but since Cameron was so fussy and out of sorts through it all, I couldn’t deny him. Cameron basically weaned himself. The second night I was sick, last Friday night, Cameron woke up in the middle of the night, as usual. (BTW – don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that babies don’t suffer from jetlag – they do). My mother and I both got up to take care of him. As Cameron was so fussy, I decided to nurse him. Cameron then decided to bite down on my breast so hard, it bled. I was so sick, so exhausted, so wiped out from it all, I just burst into tears because it hurt so bad and I had just HAD it. All I wanted to do was go to bed and forget my name and here I was with a fever, a headache and a bleeding nipple. It was definitely one of those classic overwrought mother moments when you think “I did NOT sign up for this.” To make matters worse, my mother thought the whole thing was hysterical and at laughed like it was such a funny joke, which I suppose it was, though at the time I didn’t think so. At that particular moment, I didn’t appreciate her sense of humor and cried even harder. My mom felt bad, I think, and told me to go to bad and leave Cameron with her, which I did. I was too tired to care at that point. But at least he’s weaned and that is one less thing on my to-do list. I will miss nursing him in a lot of ways but it was time to move on. Nevertheless, I cherish that particular bonding experience with my son and look forward to recreating that same bond with a future child.
*Sleeping – As I said earlier, Cameron’s whole sleep schedule was completely wrecked thanks to this trip. In France, Cameron would go to bed at his normal bedtime (8:00) and when we would come to bed at around midnight, the minute our heads would hit the pillow, we’d see this fuzzy little head pop up and grab onto the crib rails. Next thing you know, he’d be jumping, then laughing and eventually crying for us to take him out. Charles was beyond frustrated and I was at my wit’s end as well. Now that we are back home, Cameron is sleeping more than ever before. He even takes two naps a day now so it is nice that I can actually find some time to myself. And I am also glad that he is getting well-rested. It’s about time he got into a sleeping routine.
*Eating – I don’t know what to make of Cameron’s eating habits. I don’t want to say that he is a lousy eater, because he will eat almost anything. The problem with Cameron is that he has this issue with textures, meaning, he won’t tolerate anything truly solid on his tongue. If his food has the consistency of anything harder than chunky puree, he will gag it up. After his check-up, I tried to give him Cheerios. I made the mistake of doing that in a restaurant, I just placed one little Cheerio on his tongue – he hated it so much he then vomited up the entire bottle he had drank only a half hour earlier. Another time I broke off a piece of cheese and gave him a piece no bigger than a hangnail, I mean, this piece of cheese was so small, it was practically imperceptible. Nevertheless, Cameron threw that up too, he simply cannot stand anything hard or solid on his tongue. Teething biscuits are out of the question, he hates them and throws them on the floor. I have tried everything, even putting foods in that mesh pacifier contraption that I spent $10 on, and he refuses to use that as well. I was telling my mother about this and she told me that she was not surprised at all – apparently my father hated solid foods as a child as well, he just had this hang-up about it and refused to eat solids. According to my grandmother, she had to puree his food until he was well past two years old and then all of a sudden, my father ate solids like it was no big deal. I truly hope this scenario does repeat itself because I really don’t feel like pureeing Cameron’s food until he’s 2. When I asked my pediatrician about it, he said that Cameron will come to accept harder foods in time, some kids just take longer to come around. He wasn’t concerned one bit since he says that Cameron eats very healthfully.
One thing I am wondering about is whether Cameron is allergic to oats. The reason I say this is because often after giving him oatmeal, (in its soupiest form), he will throw up. Not every time, but often and only with oatmeal, not with rice. So am I to conclude that it is the oatmeal itself that makes him sick or its texture that is causing him to gag, then vomit? He really likes his oatmeal so I sort of hate giving it up but what if he has some sort of allergy? How can you really tell if he doesn’t have a reaction every time?
Walking
Cameron is not walking yet but he will be soon. He already stands by himself and even more impressive to us than that, he will squat as if doing a knee-bend for 20 seconds before sitting down. I can’t even hold a knee bend for 2 seconds without collapsing. He pushes his Activity Walker all over the kitchen and down the long hallway to the stairs. It is almost as if he can walk on his own but just doesn’t know it yet. He will even walk a couple of steps when you hold him by one hand.
Talking/Babbling
Cameron is a very vocal baby and every doctor we have ever seen has always told us that Cameron is extremely vocal for a child who has a supposed hearing loss. Despite this fact, Cameron only babbles and has yet to say “mama,” “dada,” “baba,” etc. The thing that worries me a bit is that his babbling contains almost no consonants – is this normal? Some say it is, some say they have no idea. The doctors and audiologists say that this may be normal, or it may not because each child is different. My mother and MIL think it is ridiculous for a child to be “talking” at this age and both say that neither Charles nor I were saying words like mama/dada etc. at ten months but I know that there are many babies out there who do, and even much earlier than ten months. On the plane next to us coming home, there was a woman with an eight month old son who said mama the entire flight. Of course, he was about twice Cameron’s size, (his mother said he weighed 29 lbs.), and just seemed older/more mature, but still I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. Every day I pull Cameron close to me and whisper in his little ear: “Mama, Mama, Mama,” over and over again. He just loves it, he stays perfectly still and giggles like it’s the sweetest thing in the world. He doesn’t react that way when I just speak to him normally so I wonder, is he fully hearing me when I speak at voice level? If so, how is he hearing me? Occasionally, he does say meh-meh-meh or something like it, but that’s about it. And even recently geh-geh-geh, and something that sounds like gah-lung, gah-lung, gah-lung but that was only once or twice, I think. Naturally, I scrutinize him like a hawk because I am so paranoid about his hearing. The doctors and audiologists keep telling me that I can’t constantly analyze Cameron’s speech patterns because at this early stage there is no rhyme or reason to any of it. They say I can be careful and observe and take note of all he does but that I shouldn’t agonize over every little sound he doesn’t make – easier said than done. What really sends me reeling is this book I am reading, “Your Baby’s First Year, Week by Week,” where they say at around 9 months, your baby should be saying not just the mama/dada/baba words, but words like “doggie,” “kitty,” “ball” and “tummy.” When I read stuff like that I really start to freak out so instead I have simply stopped reading that book.
My sister has a 2&1/2 year old nephew who has profound hearing loss and she told me that from day one, he never uttered a sound. No babbling, no consonants, no nothing. Unfortunately for this child, his hearing loss was not discovered until he was over two years old and though he has a slight speech impediment due to the lack of diagnosis, he still speaks fairly well. So when I compare this situation to Cameron’s I feel as though perhaps I am expecting too much from him, but am I? I suppose once he is wearing his hearing aids and how he develops with them will be the determining factor.
I feel like mentally and emotionally I have come a long way with the way I deal with Cameron’s hearing. In the beginning I think I just shut down and wallowed in the negative side of it all but after his last appointment (where it was confirmed his hearing loss is slight and functional), and a bit of positive reflection, I realize that this is not in any shape or form, the tragedy I initially thought it was. All I ever wanted in life was for my son to be happy, healthy, strong and intelligent. So far, it seems as though he is all of these things so how can I be anything but pleased?
Obsession
Cameron’s latest obsession is with knives. Anytime I am loading or emptying the dishwasher, (which he also loves), this busybody “runs” over to it and grabs the knives only, from the silverware basket. Not forks, not spoons, but knives. So, we figure we either have a future surgeon, a chef or a knife salesman on our hands.
One Last Thing
As a final thought, I wanted to discuss something that has nothing to do with Cameron, or babies in general. Do you ever wonder why it is that people hardly ever entertain in their homes anymore? It seems to me that these days, more often than not, we no longer get together with friends in our homes and make hors d’oeuvres, serve cocktails, fix fancy meals or luscious desserts. Today’s generation seems to prefer going out to dinner and to bars, they prefer to frequent the trendiest hot spots in town, waiting for over two hours to be seated in some cases, just so they can scream across a table at each other. And because the noise is so deafening, intelligent conversation is almost impossible.
Very often we have friends, couples or singles, who invite us to get together on a weekend. These people always want to “go out” and meet at a restaurant, club or bar. Sometimes we will suggest getting together at our house instead, yet people never seem as interested in this option. Maybe it is our house? I suppose it is possible but I don’t really think so.
I find it ironic that in today’s day and age, we are inundated with home goods stores – Restoration Hardware, Pottery Barn, William Sonoma, IKEA, Crate and Barrel (smile), to name but a few, where people will go crazy depleting their wallets so that they can buy that amazing serving dish, that stunning espresso/cappuccino machine, the china place setting for 12, that $200 table cloth that is dry clean only. These same people are the ones who must only cook with Le Creuset and Calphalon pans. And let’s not even mention the home improvement stores that allow us to change our homes from dull and boring to architectural photo ops. Despite this, people (at least the ones I know), never seem to want to entertain in their own homes. Why is that? I personally love entertaining, I love having guests in my home, I love making people feel comfortable and welcome. Though I will admit that we too have often chosen going out with friends over entertaining ourselves, but that was mostly before we moved, when we lived in an apartment.
When I was growing up, my parents had lots of friends and would entertain often, at least once or twice a month, sometimes more. It seemed to me that there was always someone over. These days I hardly ever hear anyone say “We’re having friends over for dinner,”or “We’re going to Jim and Cindy’ Saturday night.” It’s sad to me actually, it seems that entertaining has become a lost art of sorts and it’s really a shame. And while I do realize that there still are a lot of people who DO entertain, it just seems to me that more people don’t, at least in this area. I say again, it is a shame because entertaining is really so much fun. Even I, who hate cooking with a passion, enjoy it when it’s for a group of friends and a night of fun.
Before I end this tome of sorts, I want to note here for my own personal benefit my New Year’s resolutions:
1) Lose weight
2) Cook every night for my husband instead of lazily waiting for him to come home and cook dinner even though he loves to cook and I hate it
3) Read a new book every week instead of every month, like I did before Cameron was born
4) Cut down on salt
5) Drink more water
6) Concentrate on all I have accomplished instead of focusing on (and beating myself up for) what still needs to be done
6) Enjoying what I have
7) Now sweating the small stuff – my biggest offense
Thanks for taking 10 hours out of your day to read all this.
Corinne and Cameron
Born 3/15/02
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