Parents of different faiths and backgrounds often in theory feel ready to create new traditions as a family. In practice, however, it can be hard to let go of strong emotional ties from childhood that many people don't even realize exist. Couple that with the pressure from extended family, some members of the clergy and often years of religious teaching, and merging traditions can turn your relationship into an emotional tinderbox each December.

The challenge is: How will you, as parents, help the child grow up in a positive, respectful, loving way without making her have to choose between whom she loves most, says Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner of the Foundation for Family Education. Here are a few strategies to help you do just that.

As with anything you do as a family, it is vital to work as partners and decide together (and ahead of time) how you will celebrate. Talk with each other about your personal feelings about your holiday celebrations: what you love most about the holiday, childhood memories you cherish and parts of the holiday you could do without.

Some families opt to forego the expensive present-fest and make the holiday more spiritual, while others prefer to secularize the holiday and focus more on family. "For us the biggest thing is love and family," says Lisa Ellgass of Chicago, who is Jewish but whose husband is Catholic. "We do everything together and we always get together with both families."

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