The Christmas holidays mean family togetherness, but sometimes trying to keep those traditions of togetherness alive when you start your own family can bring more stress than joy. Often, new parents struggle with trying to continue on with the traditions their own families have established, but multiplied by two. Since Christmas is only one day – well, two if you're flexible enough to count Christmas Eve – this can lead to a scheduling nightmare and a lot of dashing from place to place. In cases where the extended family lives out of state, this can even mean the horror of the holiday airport experience.

The problem is that no one wants to hurt anyone's feelings by forcing them to rearrange their own happy notions of the holidays – traditions they've probably built up over years and that everyone looks forward to. Still, most new families need to eventually put their own children first so that the holidays aren't marred by stress and resentment. Sometimes this means just dealing with hurt feelings and going on with the holidays.

Bonnie Harris says family traditions can be strongly branded upon children and decades later those children grow into adults who relive their holiday traditions and, often, define themselves by the family culture and their role in it. Harris, who is the author of Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live With (Adams Media, 2008), says the problem is that when these traditions no longer work for their own family, it's very difficult to switch out of that old mold.

"Everyone knows you have to make compromises, but that's harder than usual when the holidays are the issue," Harris says. "It's especially hard when two people are starting a family and both want to carry on their family traditions. It can be even harder if they're from different religions."

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