Stefanie Asin knows how differently a set of multiples can develop. Asin, who has fraternal twin girls, clearly remembers the worry she felt when one daughter walked at 11 months and the other at 16 months.

"I was freaked about the one who wasn't walking," says Asin from Houston, Texas. "Having a twin to compare a child to led to unnecessary anxiety." The worry continued as the girls grew. One of Asin's daughters began reading long before the other one, which created more anxiety.

Eventually, Asin says, she was able to relax. "You figure out that all children develop differently and there's nothing to be frightened of – but [parents who don't have multiples] have no real comparison so they don't have these kinds of expectations," she says.

She's right. Comparing twins and other multiples is only natural. But it's a trap that should be avoided, says Dr. Eileen Pearlman, co-author of Raising Twins: What Parents Want to Know (And What Twins Want to Tell Them) (HarperCollins, 2000). "You can pigeonhole twins, where they don't have a chance to explore all of who they are, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy," says Dr. Pearlman.

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