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Home › Articles › Motherhood › And What Do You Do?

And What Do You Do?

When Women Choose to Stay Home

By Loretta F. Kaufman and Mary W. Quigley

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woman on phone Forget mano a mano; sisterhood is where it's at. From the Ya-Yas to groups for clergy wives, girl talk is back, stamped an official trend by The New York Times. Fortunately, support groups have finally shed the stigma of being only for the dysfunctional, because even healthy women find comfort listening to other women who face similar conflicts, changes and choices. Who can better understand your feeling – the ups and downs, the delight and disappointment – than someone going through something similar?

For many women, it is validating to find out there are other smart women at home; every interested, intelligent woman in the United States is not in an office somewhere. "I was surprised at the education level of women in my mother's group in Princeton, New Jersey," says Lila Lawler, 36, now living in Riva, Md. "There was a lawyer and a Ph.D. student. Yes, we talked about baby stuff, but the conversation went on to other topics."

Many wives find themselves home alone at dinner and bath time while their husbands work late or travel for business. Not only are the babies beset by what Dr. Spock called "evening irritability," mothers are, too. Lois Voth discovered that sharing evening meals and bath routines with her women friends was one way to handle that problem. As a 30-something mother of a 1-year-old in Dallas, she found four other mothers, all with children the same age, whose husbands were rarely home at bedtime. So, many nights they all met at one house, fed and bathed the children and returned home with the kiddies in their pajamas, ready for bed. "They were all interesting, very intelligent, gifted women," recalls Lois. "It was wonderful to share those routines together instead of doing them alone. Also important was that we shared information about parenting. It was incredibly reassuring to know that it was as challenging for them as it was for me." When she moved to Virginia a few years later, Lois sought out other comrades in arms and they too often shared the evening routines. "Those friends served as my lifeline. They could understand the life I was living because they were doing the same exact things."


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