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Home › Articles › Guiding Baby's Development › Not By the Book

Not By the Book

Advice for Parents of Babies Who Don't Follow the Rules

By Lyn Mettler

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Before you have your first baby you imagine what it will be like to hold your sweet little newborn in your arms, kiss his sweet cheeks and rock him to sleep. You know it won't be perfect and that there will be hardships along the road, but secretly, in the back of your mind, you have an idea of just what that path will be like.

When Baby arrives, however, you may soon find that your ideals have gone down the drain. It's still a wonderful, one-of-a-kind experience, but for most moms, it's likely to be much different than you dreamed. Some moms do have babies who follow all the medical milestones and do go exactly by the book, progressing just as they imagined. But others have babies for whom the only thing you can count on is the unexpected and who seem to be on their own tracks. That can throw many of us, already rattled by new motherhood, for a loop, causing us to wonder why our babies aren't "normal."

Deanna Franco, 32, of Decatur, Ga., coped with her first daughter's colic way beyond the traditional three-month mark when it tends to disappear. "Of course, everyone said, 'Oh, it will last until she is about 3 months, and then all of a sudden you will turn a corner and she will be a happy baby,'" says Franco. "Nope, didn't happen that way. It was such a frustrating time."

"If you're dealing with a challenging type of infant behavior such as colic and you have your heart set on that challenge disappearing at a particular point in time, it can be extremely frustrating if the 3-month mark comes and goes and your baby is still as colicky as ever," says Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Baby Books (Wiley, 2002). "At that point, you may begin to wonder if the colic is ever going to subside and how on earth you're going to get through the weeks ahead when there still isn't any sign of a reprieve."

Prolonged colic is just one unexpected situation that moms may face. For you, it may be a baby who hates to ride in the car when you've been told car rides always soothe babies to sleep. Or perhaps you have a little one who covers you – and him – from head to toe in spit up even though you've read breastfed babies tend to vomit less.

By the Book or Go With Your Gut?

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