At some defining moment, your baby becomes a toddler. It may take you completely by surprise, but you'll know when it happens. The two of you will be casually shopping or strolling across the parking lot hand in hand when suddenly she will demand her freedom with a stomp, a scream or a defiant "NO!" How should parents cope with taxing toddlers during this phase of childhood? Create a plan and be prepared.

"The toddler years are years when children begin individuating from their parents," says Dr. Margaret Koraneck, a psychologist for Lebonheur (Hospital) Center for Children and Parents in Memphis, Tennessee. "When they begin this process, they need two things. First, a lot of nurturing. Secondly, encouragement toward independence."

Dr. Koraneck suggests these two goals be accomplished in children by giving them many choices during this phase, but making sure the choices are safe. For instance, she says, don't let them choose whether or not they will hold your hand, but do let them choose which hand they will hold.

Anita Urban of Moscow, Tenn., sees the reach for independence almost daily in her 22-month-old son, Peter. For Peter, the most effective means of discipline has proven to be immediate, consistent reproof.

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