Your toddler's first trip to the barber shop or hairstylist may not evoke the same terror as other toddler firsts, like that first airplane flight, wondering whether your infant will be the hysterical and inconsolable one, earning heaps of scorn and loads of dirty looks from fellow passengers. It is hard to get excited about an experience where the best possible outcome is that your child does not scream until he turns purple and the veins pop out of his forehead. By contrast, for all the potential for a disaster at the salon, some parental foresight can easily turn that first haircutting experience into a fun and valued memory.

"In order for parents to prepare their children for social situations like getting a haircut, it is important for them to realize that the underlying issue is fear," says Heather T. Forbes, a licensed social worker and co-author of Consequences, Logic and Control (Beyond Consequences Institute LLC, 2006). "When parents can address a child's fear, and calm her fear, these situations do not have to be such hurdles anymore. Simply seeing a scared child as opposed to a resistant child allows parents to provide safety and reassurance at an entirely new level."

According to Forbes, parents tend to minimize their child's fears with comments like, "Oh, it won't be so bad. Don't worry." It is important for parents to see the anxiety from their child's perspective rather than from their own. Trying to change the child's mind about the experience is not as important as acknowledging and validating his fear. Doing so will result in the child being able to find his own courage and feel secure enough in his relationship with his parents to move forward.

Of course, there is never a guarantee that children will not lose their cool when faced with strangers putting them in a chair and approaching them with sharp objects. "It is not a reflection of the parents," Forbes says. "Too many times parents take this personally. They are embarrassed by their child's behavior, and they invalidate themselves as parents based on the child's inability to respond to their efforts. The reality is that it is not about the parents. It is simply about the child not being ready."

Upon hearing about a nephew's awful experience getting a haircut, Cozy Friedman of New York City, N.Y., had a brainstorm – a salon that would not simply tolerate children, but would welcome them with open arms. She earned her barber's license and went into business as the founder of Cozy's Cuts for Kids. The styling chairs are shaped like little cars, and the kids get to choose a DVD to watch or a video game to play during their haircut.

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