Sex After Baby

Easing Back into Intimacy

By Felicia Hodges

After months of anticipation, the newest member of your family arrives. And although you've waited for what seems like an eternity to see what color eyes or hair he would have, there is another event you've equally longed for: the return to physical intimacy with your partner.

"I was so looking forward to meeting this little person I'd shared a body with for so long that I completely forgot about that part," says Rita Moore*, a social worker from New York.

But sex was a main concern for her husband. At her first postpartum appointment, his primary question was: "When can we have sex again?"

"I was a little surprised about that," she says. "I think it was because I was more interested in seeing my toes again than anything as far as my body was concerned."

Most OB/GYNs and midwives advise a physical wait -- ranging anywhere from six to eight weeks -- after the baby's birth before resuming intercourse. But this figure is a guideline, not an etched-in-stone rule, according to Tori Kropp, R.N., a prenatal and baby expert in San Francisco, Calif. who specializes in women's and maternal/child health.

"The key is to wait until a woman's bleeding has stopped, as that signals that the placental site has healed inside the uterus," Kropp says. "This can happen as early as four weeks or not until much later."

Even once the uterine bleeding has ceased, other physical changes such as sore breasts or vaginal dryness and tenderness from the delivery can also dampen a new mom's sex drive. "Fatigue is [also] a tremendous issue," Kropp says. "The common thread that I hear is that 'sleep is so important that lovemaking can be considered a waste of good sleep time.' This is perfectly understandable as none of us do well with little or no sleep for long."

A lot changes when that squirmy little bundle of joy comes home. There always seem to be diapers to change and feedings to give, which can leave even the most energetic parents drained. But the psychological shift also takes its toll.

Suddenly you are no longer just husband and wife, but now Mom and Dad as well. You may experience a heightened sense of responsibility for your new family, which may cause your stress level to rise. Your wife's breasts, once a source of pleasure for you both, may now be your baby's dinner table -- his sole source of nourishment. This, coupled with the physical changes Mom is experiencing -- including a drop in hormone levels and a body that in no way resembles her pre-pregnancy self -- can inadvertently place sex on the back burner for a while.

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