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Home › Articles › Fatherhood › Equal Billing

Equal Billing

8 Concerns of New Fathers

By Hogan Hilling

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A man was complaining, "Oh Lord, please have mercy on me. I work so hard, meantime my wife stays at home. I would give anything if you would grant me one wish – switch me into my wife. She's got it easy at home. I want to teach her a lesson of how tough a man's life is." As God was listening, he felt sorry for this soul and granted his wish.

The next morning the "new woman" woke up at dawn, prepared breakfast, woke up the kids for school, put a load of clothes in the washer, drove the kids to school, cleaned the house, ironed some clothes, picked the kids up from school, helped them with their homework and cooked dinner. By the end of the day he was exhausted.

Early the next morning he prayed to God once again: "Oh Lord, what was I thinking when I asked you to grant my wish? I can't take it anymore. I beg you please switch me back to myself, please, oh please."

Then he heard God's voice speaking to him, saying, "Dear son, of course I'll switch you back to yourself but there's one minor detail, you will have to wait nine months because last night you got pregnant."

A Manual for Fathers?
As one of the few men who has read the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, I will agree that men have not done enough to learn more about what women go through as mothers. However, I will also argue that women and our society in general haven't done enough to learn more about what men go through as fathers.

If I were to take a survey to see how many mothers have read a book on fatherhood or how many hospitals and parenting organizations offer a class about a father's perspective, the lowly figures would support my conclusion.

Most moms I know, including my wife, Tina, have admitted that they never read a book about fatherhood when they first became parents. The books they read were about motherhood and how to care for the baby.

Most hospitals have several classes that pertain to motherhood. However, most do not have a class for fathers or one that gives a dad's perspective on being a parent, as if to suggest that men have no issues about being a dad and that their concerns are not important enough to address. But fathers do have issues, and they should be addressed.

Ever since I began facilitating fathers' groups in 1992, I have listened to thousands of men share their thoughts about being fathers. And although a father's concerns and issues are different than those of a mother, they are just as complex and difficult to understand and manage.

The issues new dads have shared with me include the health of Mom and Baby, fear of being in the delivery room, bonding with the baby, balancing work and family, finances, lifestyle change, how to hold and calm a crying baby, keeping the romance and intimacy alive in the marriage, moms' unrealistic expectations of how to care for the baby, managing the household, peer pressure, dealing with grandparents and how to handle advice from family members and friends. Below are the concerns dads have about some of the issues I listed.

Health of Mom and Baby

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