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Tiny Siblings, Big Concerns

Common Sibling Issues When Children Are Close in Age

Any time a new baby is brought into the house, change will undoubtedly follow. But throw in another small child – a toddler or preschooler – and other issues can ensue. What if your older child cries every time the baby does? What if both children are young enough for a crib? Do you need two? And what about twins and jealousy? These are just a few of the topics our experts have tackled.

"It is understandable that all this crying is fraying your postpartum nerves!" says Dr. Susan Bartell, a nationally renowned psychologist, author and founder of www.havinganotherbaby.com. "Your son is doing this for one (or both) of two possible reasons: Either he realizes that every time the baby cries he gets attention and has figured out that this is a good way for him to do so too (smart kid!), or he is afraid of the baby's loud crying (a very common fear of older siblings) and it is making him cry. Either way it is important for you to attend to your older son, almost before you meet the needs of the baby. A minute – or even a few seconds – with him will likely calm him down if what he's seeking is your attention. Give him a hug, tell him you love him and ask him to come and help you while you take care of the baby."

If you're feeding the baby you can read to, talk to or snuggle with your older son, giving him the attention he needs, Dr. Bartell says. "If he's afraid of the crying, explain to him that babies cry to talk, not because they're in pain – they cry for everything and although it's loud, it's not scary. When it happens, make a big silly deal of the baby's tears, with some jokes about babies who cry all the time; some silly faces etc., to try and break your older son's crying and turn it into laughter as you meet the baby's needs. This will help all of you feel less anxious and stressed."

Want to see more?

• Tiny Playmates: Welcoming Siblings with Smiles
• Make Way for Siblings: Creating a Room to Share
• Toddlers That Don't Have Much to Say: A Look at Speech Delays Among Siblings
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• Talk about it!