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Difficulty Bonding
When You Don't Fall Instantly in Love with Your Newborn
By Katherine Bontrager
"Some mothers who themselves haven't had strong bonds with their parents may not have the model, motivation or need to develop closeness," Dr. Zelinger says. It's integral that these new moms seek out strong parenting models so that they can learn to overcome those issues that interfere with their ability to form an attachment to the baby.
Dr. Zelinger says that the dependency of a newborn can panic a new mother, shake her confidence and cause her to look for others to supplement the parenting role. The restrictions a newborn places on a mom and the sudden change in her former lifestyle can also cause some resentment.
"Finally, infants, by definition, don't yet 'give back,' possibly making a new mom feel inadequate as she waits for smiles or behaviors to reinforce the continued attention she bestows upon the baby," Dr. Zelinger says.
These feelings are normal – and once they've been acknowledged, moms can seek ways of overcoming these troubles. Sharing doubts, fears and frustrations with other moms or professionals has an amazing way of lightening some of these burdens. There's nothing quite like knowing you're not alone, that what you're experiencing is normal. Finding an empathetic ear can be a lifesaver to a new mom. And those with experience can offer priceless suggestions on how to deal with these nagging worries.
"For mothers who don't feel an initial bond with their baby, they must not be too hard on themselves," Dr. Buchalter says. "They should remind themselves that it's not their fault; hormones play a huge role in this situation. Women should not feel embarrassed. Instead, they should seek help if their feelings don't improve. By seeking help and getting balanced and feeling better, the entire family will benefit. And all new moms should also remember to take time for themselves, as individuals. A happy mom is a good mom."
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