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Difficulty Bonding
When You Don't Fall Instantly in Love with Your Newborn
By Katherine Bontrager
These most extreme cases aside, Dr. Donnenfeld finds that the biggest barriers to mother-infant bonding have to do with unreal expectations. "For example, a new mother who's having problems with breastfeeding and being told by 'well-meaning' grandparents on both sides that she's failing to give the baby adequate nutrition may experience problems bonding with her infant," she says. "With help feeling more successful at feeding her child and less judged or found lacking, this mother's feelings about herself and her baby may be more geared toward attachment."
Another unreal expectation? The thought that once the baby comes home, blissful, peaceful family togetherness will take place. In reality, a new mom could be hit with the harsh reality of constant care on little sleep for a crying, puking, pooping infant with a misshapen skull, skin rashes and pimples.
"It's a rather different picture of infant 'perfection' than she's seen in the movies or in magazines," Dr. Donnenfeld says. "This mother may feel less negative if she is educated about short-term physical characteristics of infants after birth and given some respite so that she can sleep some in between feedings of the baby."
Still other moms who suffer from pain or extreme fatigue can't put the needs of anyone before their own, Dr. Zelinger says. In these cases, new moms need to ask for help in getting rest or managing their pain so that they can then settle into a bond with their infants.
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