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Home › Articles › Newborn and Infant Months › Difficulty Bonding

Difficulty Bonding

When You Don't Fall Instantly in Love with Your Newborn

By Katherine Bontrager

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Reasons for Not Bonding

Dr. Penny B. Donnenfeld, a clinical psychologist in New York, N.Y., who has worked with parents and children for over 20 years, says that bonding difficulties can stem from a variety of factors. These include maternal physical and emotional health, temperament of the infant, mother's prior experience with infants, availability of a maternal support system, relationship between the new mother and father, expectations of what it will be like to bond with and care for the infant, breastfeeding difficulties or pain and upset after a C-section birth.

"Often bonding will be more apt to proceed once the factor is identified and the mother receives a new way of viewing what is occurring other than just feeling it's the sign of her 'failure' at mothering," Dr. Donnenfeld says. "Interventions can range from providing information to medicating a new mom with severe postpartum depression."

Postpartum depression and anxiety or even postpartum psychosis can be very serious, Dr. Buchalter says. "Any woman experiencing strong feelings, especially feelings in which she wants to harm herself or the baby, should seek professional help immediately," she says. "Symptoms to look for include frequent crying, feelings of guilt, overeating or having no appetite, feelings of hopelessness, irritability, restlessness, overwhelming feelings, feelings of sadness, headaches, anxiety and more. For women with postpartum depression, there are treatments available."

In these extreme cases, new moms are often horrified at their lack of affection for the infant. "This mother needs psychiatric care and treatment, as well as the help of other caretakers o step in and either temporarily take over or supplement the care for her infant," Dr. Donnenfeld says. "With her biological depression contained and ameliorated, this mother may need therapy and support to see herself as able to provide loving care to her baby – to realize that she's not either missed or 'messed up' her chance to form a strong and important bond with her baby."


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