- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- babies today articles
- babies today q&a
- toddlers today articles
- toddlers today q&a
- breastfeed.com articles
- breastfeed.com q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Difficulty Bonding
When You Don't Fall Instantly in Love with Your Newborn
By Katherine Bontrager
The young mother leaned over her plate and said conspiratorially, "I wasn't one of those mothers who instantly fell in love with my daughter. It took a good couple of weeks before I felt connected to her. Did you feel that way?"
I was, admittedly, a little taken aback. Not so much by what this new mom was saying, but by the fact she was saying it to me – after all, we'd just met minutes before having been seated at the same table at a wedding reception. But her confession is one with which many new mothers struggle. Most assume that a bond with their newborn will be forged instantly, but it doesn't always happen that way. Why is it that some new moms don't bond right away? And how can they traverse this difficult emotional territory?
Difficulty bonding is more common than people think, says Dr. Sharon Fried Buchalter, a clinical psychologist, family and marriage therapist and author of New Parents Are People Too: 8 Secrets to Surviving Parenthood as Individuals and as a Couple (Greenleaf Book Group, 2007). "It may not be all wine and roses, as is sometimes portrayed on television," she says. "This difficulty bonding can cause the new mother to get anxious and feel like she's a bad mother, which can make the situation even worse."
"Bonding isn't instantaneous," says Dr. Laurie Zelinger, a child psychologist in Long Island, N.Y., and an adjunct clinical supervisor at Pace and St. John's Universities. "Like glue takes time to dry in order to hold things together, the parent/infant relationship takes time as well."
"It's often the case that new mothers who don't feel a bond within hours or days may simply be recovering from the birthing experience and acclimating themselves to motherhood," Dr. Buchalter says. "Usually once she takes the baby home and begins caring for it, the new mom begins to bond with the child. But there are instances, however, in which some women feel anger, resentment or apathy toward the new baby, which may not disappear instantly."
Want to see more?
Comments
There are no comments for this article yet.Be the first to 
|
Post As:
|
||
| Enter your comment below: | ||
| Title | ||
| Comment Text | ||
| CAPTCHA | ||
| Please note that any comments submitted become the property of Disney Family / iParenting and can be edited and posted at our discrection. | ||
