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Baby's Extended Stay

The Reasons Some Full-term Babies Stay at the Hospital

By Lisa Goldstein

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Licano was a self-termed walking zombie, who describes her feelings at the time of her baby's hospitalization as being a combination of pure disappointment, fear, guilt and self-doubt. She was extremely disappointed that she couldn't live out her fantasies of what those first days would be like. "I'd anticipated it for nine months, and then had the rug pulled out from under me," she says. "It was almost this childish feeling of petulance over not getting what I wanted and felt like I deserved."

How to Cope

"The best tip is to help the mother achieve the balance between caring for herself and caring for [her] infant," Smith says. "Our job is to support the mother and dissuade her guilt over not being with her infant. Involve her in actively caring for her infant while she is at the hospital."

Collins says to realize it is OK to feel this flood of different emotions. You can't control it. Follow your instincts. There's no right or wrong way to deal with this situation. Journaling is also helpful, she says. Having friends and family help out at home so that you can be with the baby as much as possible is probably the biggest help, Collins says.

Licano recommends speaking up for yourself. "The NICU has all kinds of rules about when you can be there, when you have to leave, etc.," she says. "But if you want to be with your child, you shouldn't let them stop you."

Despite the hardship, Licano came out all the stronger for it, calling it a life-changing experience. "This taught me just how precious and fragile life is, and made my early bond with my daughter that much more fierce," she says. "My values are in an entirely different place now."

Another Coping Strategy

Special care nurseries can be overwhelming with all the sounds and sights, says Michelle Collins, instructor in clinical nursing, nurse-midwifery specialty, at Vanderbilt University School of Nursing in Nashville, Tenn. It's easy to feel sensory overload. She recommends asking your nursery personnel about things like kangaroo care, which is putting the baby skin to skin against mother (or father's) bare skin.

"This can be accomplished in a baby even with an IV line in place, and there are many studies to show that this helps maintain the baby's temperature very efficiently, and does help support a mother's breast milk production (not to mention her well-being)," she says.


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