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Cry It Out?

Ferberizing Without Tears

By I.J. Schecter

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– Parents attempting Ferberization for the first time may feel alone in their pain or that they're the only two people on earth cruel enough to do something so awful to their child just so they can sleep a bit more, or perhaps as though theirs is the only baby who refuses to sleep no matter what they try. So, for one of these reasons or another, they keep their suffering to themselves. Even the easiest babies take a few months to adjust to the outside world, so try hard to remind each other that, just as you're learning to be parents, your baby is learning to be a person, which is a lot more difficult than being a parent, at least at first. (Parents of teenagers might argue this point.) So talk to others – both those going through the same thing, who can empathize with you, as well as those who have used the Ferber method and can provide an honest assessment of it. If nothing else, it will simply help you to vent to a trusted friend during this period, when a great many emotions will be battling inside you.

7. If it really is too much, don't feel guilty about abandoning ship – Every parent quickly learns that true heartache can't be understood until you hear your own child cry. So don't feel guilty if you find you aren't ready to be the rock Ferberizing requires you to be. Like Buckley's cough medicine, the slogan for which is, "It tastes awful – and it works," Ferberizing is not meant to be fun; it's meant to work. So do your best, be as strong as you can and support each other as much as possible, but don't punish yourself if you can't follow it all the way through. If you try Ferberizing for a few nights and decide you can't handle it (or that Ferber's off his rocker), trust your own instincts. Using them as your guide, you can never go wrong.


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