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Cry It Out?
Ferberizing Without Tears
By I.J. Schecter
1. Understand the theory before applying it – An oversimplified explanation of Ferberizing is that by systematically ignoring your baby's requests for soothing, you teach him that he "might as well go to sleep, since you're not coming to help anyway." While this view is not false, it paints Ferber's concept in a rather harsh light. Properly understanding his idea – that you can teach your child to fall asleep on his own by demonstrating that you're there for him periodically, but that the energy it takes to cry isn't worth the payoff of your brief visits – will make you feel better about employing it.
2. Stick to your guns – Uninterrupted Ferberizing should take at most two weeks to show results, and success after only a few nights isn't uncommon. Once you've committed to it, don't cave. Each partner can take a turn being the strong one, somewhat like assigning the designated driver before a party (except that there are only two of you to choose from). The strong one on a given night is responsible for staring into the eyes of the other and saying, "We can't go in for another two minutes. He's crying now, but it will benefit him in the long run because he'll learn how to put himself to sleep, and he'll enjoy that independence. I love you and he loves you, and we both know this is a good thing." And so on. It doesn't matter much what you say, just as long as you keep the other person from crumbling.
3. Be consistent – Regard your attempt at Ferberizing as a true commitment rather than a casual experiment. In other words, once you've decided to do it, do it right. Read a book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems
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