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Home › Articles › Fatherhood › Dad's New Role

Dad's New Role

Should a Worried Father-to-be Share His Concerns?

By Dr. Susan S. Bartell

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Lia – meeting the baby's most basic need – made him feel as if he was unimportant in his baby's life.

"How could I compete?" says Greg. "I couldn't nurse Lia, and she was so tiny that I was afraid to try and change her diaper or dress her. I worried that I'd hurt her. So, I left all of that to Sandy – she was good at it. But, I admit, I felt I wasn't a very good father, and I was jealous of Sandy's bond with Lia."

New Challenges
The majority of men have not had much experience with babies by the time they become fathers. Women, by contrast, are more likely to have played with baby dolls as children and made pocket money babysitting as teenagers. Becoming a father for the first time not only challenges a man's current know-how, it also presents him with a situation in which he doesn't want to fail: to give his baby everything possible and do it well. For many men, there is a fear that they won't be able to do it, especially compared to their wives.

But like Greg, most men are unaccustomed to sharing their feelings or asking for help in uncomfortable or new situations. Anxiety and worries during their wife's pregnancy and after the baby is born are hidden, out of shame, embarrassment or pride. Unfortunately, for many new dads, the excitement and thrill of having a baby becomes tempered with unexpeted feelings of jealousy toward their wives, a sense of incompetence about caring for the baby and a concern that they are not bonding with their new baby.


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