"You're Naming Her What?"

9 Rules for Discussing Names

By I.J. Schecter

Andrew or Aaron? Kelly or Kimberly? Claudette or Clarisse? Identifying the right name for your child can be a harrowing experience, and the closer you get to the due date without agreement, the more stressful it can become. These nine tips will help you find the name that makes you nod in thrilled agreement, with time to spare.

1. Keep an open mind. This is the cardinal rule. Be open to each other's suggestions – to your own flights of fancy and free association, to names that come out of leftfield that you aren't even sure are names but somehow hit a nerve. The name conversation isn't the kind you've embarked on before, at least not seriously, and you'll probably discover quite quickly that it's a conversation loaded with emotion. The best thing you can do for each other is to open your mind to whatever possibilities arise. Use the funnel technique: Start broad, using lenient guidelines, and then narrow the discussion over time. This way you won't rule out any names prematurely, and you'll also allow for new, previously unconsidered names to pleasantly surprise you.

2. Don't tell anybody the ones you're considering. You might figure that bouncing your ideas off others will prove illuminating – at least until the fourth time you hear someone say, "Oh, I don't like the name Stuart. My friend's cousin's brother-in-law once sat behind a guy with that name in second grade, and he was a total jerk. Different spelling, but still." You might even want to devise fake names reasonable enough that people (like your parents) won't be suspicious or frustrated when you disclose them. Don't say, "We're considering Vartox or maybe Pinocchio," just to be coy. When you announce the name after the baby arrives, and they ask what happened to the earlier ones, tell them you don't remember those names ever being part of the discussion. Another reason to keep the lid on your favorite names is that you might have one you like but that you've decided to save for your next child. If you go telling everyone within earshot, you have only yourselves to blame if others decide it's a good name, too.

3. Give yourselves a deadline.

Want to see more?

• What's in a Name? The Methods Some Use to Name Their Babies
• No "Ifs," "Ands" or "Buts": Overcoming Disagreements
  during Pregnancy
• Got It? Check! What to Have on Hand
  after Baby Arrives
• Talk about it!