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And What Do You Do?
When Women Choose to Stay Home
By Loretta F. Kaufman and Mary W. Quigley
A support group may be as informal as walking with other women every morning for both exercise and venting. It can be meeting with an encouraging group of women writers who are trying their hand at fiction. Perhaps circles of friends are most crucial to women whose husbands' jobs are especially stressful or hazardous. The wives of police officers and firefighters immediately understand each other's feelings and fears. Imagine women whose husbands have dangerous jobs and are away for six months at a stretch. For them, a support group is not an option, it's necessary for survival.
As a military wife, Margo joined a Navy wives' club. Belonging to a club to attend social events is one thing but to call on the women for emotional support, Margo had to make the time to form friendships with the women, and her work schedule just didn't give her that flexibility. Emotional ties are not built on a quick hello at the grocery store. Those connections come after hours at the playground, volunteering at the preschool, sharing a peanut butter lunch with other mothers and kids on a rainy day, helping with a community project. For five months Margo debated the decision to leave work, playing out all the familiar arguments in her head. "I did lots of thinking about how could I do the career, support my husband, stay away from my son while at work, and still be happy," she says. "It really was a self-esteem issue because for women of the '90s the main role model is to be a career mom, but I realized that this is not working for me. I was emotionally overwhelmed. I have no family down here. The only support is the wives' club, and if I don't reach out and be there for other wives when they need help, I won't be able to get that back when I need it. I need that support when he's gone."
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