Advice Avalanche

Handling Unsolicited Opinions

By Melinda Copp

Ceiling fans cause ear infections. Starting rice cereal will help your baby sleep through the night. Giving your baby a pacifier will cause thrush. These are just a few of the suggestions that new moms will be bombarded with from friends, family and even perfect strangers. You'll get suggestions while you're shopping in the grocery store, sitting in a waiting room and visiting family, whether you ask for it or not, oftentimes because people like to feel helpful and knowledgeable.

"When people are parents themselves, they see themselves as experts," says Dr. Ari Brown, a pediatrician and co-author of Baby 411 (Windsor Peak Press, 2005). "And in a way, they are. It's very tempting to share that wealth of knowledge with family members, friends and random people on the street. It's an immediate and obvious conversation starter."

And even though these pieces of advice are usually well intended, new moms can feel frustrated, defensive and angry – especially if they haven't had enough sleep.

"As a new mom, I was told breastfeed, don't breastfeed, bottles are good, bottles are bad, pacifiers are good, pacifiers are bad, TV is good and TV is bad," says Christine Guidry, a mom from Washingtonville, N.Y. "Finally I turned down the volume and listened to my own instincts."

If you feel overwhelmed by all the parenting advice that you're getting, consider the following tips for knowing what suggestions to follow and what to disregard.

Almost everyone you know will offer up their two cents, but you shouldn't trust everyone's advice. Try to pinpoint whose advice you want, such as an experienced friend or parent. And then let everyone else's suggestions fall away. The same goes for choosing you baby's pediatrician. Take time to talk to a few different doctors, or get a referral from someone you trust.

"Interview a pediatrician and choose one that you trust," says Debbie Mandel, a stress management lecturer and author of Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout

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