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Home › Articles › Multiples › Not Quite the Same

Not Quite the Same

Developmental Differences in Twins

By Alexandria Powell

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Coping With Comparisons
From preschool teachers to well-meaning relatives to strangers at the mall, no matter how hard you try to avoid comparisons at home, they will still crop up somewhere else. And even when your multiples are very young, they may be absorbing these messages, says Dr. Pearlman.

"One way to cope with this is simply to take the child aside and tell him or her that we know what Aunt Franny is saying is wrong," say Dr. Pearlman. "But [often the] best way is to take the more direct approach. Talk to the person right then, in front of the children. Tell them that we don't label and we don't compare the twins and that labeling and comparing is really not good for anyone." Explain that your twins have similarities and differences, strengths and weakness and that these are changing all the time, says Dr. Pearlman. "And that sometimes they switch!" she adds.

Dr. Pearlman also recommends addressing these issues with your children as they grow. Talk with your twins; tell them that people will be comparing. Let them know that you understand that they are different and unique from each other, and that all people have similarities and differences.

"All babies, even identical twins, are still just siblings – two different people who are going to develop at different paces and in different ways," says Zamberelli. "They are unique individuals even though they have shared the same womb and may or may not look remarkably similar!"

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