Where Is Cloud Nine?

Realizing the Myth of the Perfect Parent

By Alexandria Powell

Like most new moms, Wendy Komancheck was aiming for perfection. During her pregnancy she had fantasized about breastfeeding, going on long walks in the park and spending hours just connecting with her baby.

But once her first child was born, reality didn't match her motherhood fantasies. "I quit my job to stay home, but I didn't realize motherhood was so isolating," says Komancheck of Pennsylvania. "I didn't have a good support system, I was physically challenged from breastfeeding and my son cried all the time. Plus, I suffered from postpartum depression, which I didn't expect to happen to me."

Komancheck's experience isn't rare. "I think new parents are really sort of set up for feeling like a failure – not set up for actual failure, but set up for feeling like you have failed sometimes because we come in with such big expectations," says Amy Tiemann, author of Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family (Spark Press, 2006). "And it's that gap – between what you've been led to believe you ought to be doing and what you are actually capable of doing – that makes many new parents feel like they are doing a poor job."

How can you get past the myth of the perfect parent and start feeling confident in your ability to be everything your baby needs?

Many new parents go into the delivery room with high hopes for the future, especially the first few weeks and months. But for most of us, caring for a newborn is more like being in boot camp than arriving on "cloud nine." "I don't think [new parents] are typically prepared for the physical and emotional challenges," says Tiemann.

Want to see more?

• Bonding From the Beginning: Use Baby's Senses to Create That Special Connection
• Postpartum Depression: Helping Yourself Helps Your Family
• Dad's Turn: Bonding, Learning and Making Way for Baby
• Talk about it!