Single, Not Solo

Resources and Support for Moms When They Need It Most

By Jacqueline Bodnar

Tricia Novak of Oaklyn, N.J., knows firsthand all the trials and tribulations of being a single parent with an infant. Although her son is grown now, she remembers the experience as if it were yesterday. Having been a single parent throughout his entire childhood, she also knows how important it is for single moms to seek support.

Along with getting a great deal of support from her sister, Novak found that reading books on single parenting helped her a lot. "These books allowed me to understand that a lot of things I was experiencing were normal and that single parenting was very different from a two-parent home," says Novak. Another thing she did was learn ways to reduce and manage the stress of daily life. "I focused on being the best mom I could and to enjoy every day with my son being a single mother," she adds.

"Sometimes single mothers are reluctant to ask for help because they feel like they are failing somehow if they can't manage everything themselves," says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a psychologist and author of What About Me? Twelve Ways to Get Your Parents' Attention Without Hitting Your Sister (Parenting Press, 2005). "But single parenting doesn't have to mean solo parenting."

No one can do the job of parenting alone. Even for married couples there are still struggles, and they receive support in a variety of ways. "We all need practical support, emotional support, time with other adults and time alone," says Kennedy-Moore. There are a lot of ways that people can get support. Knowing the options available to them is the first step for all single parents.

One of the first things a single parent needs to do is decide what type of support would be beneficial. Moms often feel guilty asking for help without giving something in return. That's when they can get creative in their thinking. Instead of having to pay for help, such as for childcare duties, they may be able to swap nights spent babysitting with another single mom. Keep these resources in mind when evaluating what would help the most:

• Government: The government has some programs that can be of great assistance to single moms. The resources may vary by state, but each state does offer some valuable assistance programs. You can look in your home state for a variety of scholarships to help put your child through college, health insurance, legal aid, assistance seeking child support and other monetary resources.
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Want to see more?

• Choosing Single Motherhood
• Going Solo: A Basic Look at the Pursuit of Single Motherhood
• Balancing Work and Play at Home: Single Mothers and the Art of Five-Minute Parenting
• Talk about it!