Dads Are New to the Job, Too

Helping Your Partner Settle into Fatherhood

By Alex Powell

It's a question many new moms have asked: How can I help my husband or partner get more involved with our new baby? The answer may be surprisingly simple – start by taking a step back.

"If he's nervous about handling the baby, the thing that will fix that is for him to simply handle that baby," says Greg Bishop, founder of Boot Camp for New Dads, a parenting class especially for fathers that is now offered in more than 250 communities nationwide.

If your partner seems a little reticent around the baby or unsure of what to do with her, it's understandable, says Armin Brott, author of The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year (Abbeville Press, 2004). "Guys typically have a much harder time than women do imagining themselves interacting with little babies," Brott says. "If you ask an expectant father to describe things he wants to do with the baby, he'll usually talk about playing catch or reading stories – things that are much more interactive. Women don't often have that issue. They can envision themselves with a brand-new, really helpless newborn."

Your little one won't give much obvious feedback, and when she does, it's likely to be in the form of crying. Because of this, it's easy for novice dads to feel as if they are doing something wrong. And that can leave a man very sensitive when you step in to take over a fussing baby or manage a wiggly diaper change.

"The new mom isn't doing this in a malicious way at all," says Brott. "She's doing it for efficiency's sake. But that still has a tendency to put Dad in the role of 'Mommy's Little Helper,' and it confirms his fear that he's not going to do a good job."

Want to see more?

• Flex Your Time, Not Just Your Muscles: New Options Help Dads Be More Involved
• That's My Job: A Journey to Become a Stay-at-Home Dad
• What Parenting Books Don't Tell You: 12 Tips for New Dads
• Talk about it!