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Home › Articles › Family Life › From Only to Oldest

From Only to Oldest

Helping Your Older Child Adjust to a New Sibling

By Neilia Sherman

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It is never too early to begin preparing your only child for an impending birth. Janice Rothman of Thornhill, Ontario, Canada took her 7-year-old daughter, Chelsea, to a "Sibling Preparation" program at a nearby hospital. Here, children had the opportunity to learn about the changes that a new baby would bring. "It was fantastic," says Rothman. "The kids saw a video and got to make birthday cards for their new sibling."

Josh Levine, who recently moved to Thornhill, Ontario, Canada from British Columbia, has two sons – 5 and 7 months old. He and his wife, Sue, spoke with their older son, Nathan, everyday about the changes that were taking place throughout her pregnancy with baby Daniel. "We let him touch Sue's stomach and feel the baby move. We read him stories about babies, and we watched the video of his birth," says Levine. "Nathan was thrilled when the baby was born. However, he did struggle with the change in his family life. His disapproval at having to share us came out in his defiance and attention-seeking behavior. When we were able to sit down with him and discuss his behavior, he was able to talk about feelings that he wasn't getting enough attention."

Don't Push Too Hard
It is important to realize that the transition will take time and not to be disappointed if your child isn't interested in the new baby at first. "What may be most important is not to impose the baby on the older child," says Dimerman. "It may be tempting to ask an 8-year-old to watch the baby while you are making dinner, but this will lead to resentment. Eight-year-olds prefer to be with their friends, to watch TV or to play on the computer, and their lives should not be disrupted beyond what normal disruptions will bring. Rather, as the second child becomes older, encourage the older sibling to share his knowledge with and nurturing skills with baby brother or sister."


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