From Only to Oldest

Helping Your Older Child Adjust to a New Sibling

By Neilia Sherman

Last year, my 6-year-old son, Jonah, had to make a big adjustment. He went from being an "only child" to being a big brother, and the transition was not an easy one. We tried to prepare him as much as possible for the new addition to our family, and at first, he was adjusting well. But about a month after his brother Brandon was born, he started to cry when his father was dropping him off at school. Between sobs he blurted out, "I have to go to school, and Brandon gets to stay at home with Mommy all day."

Although all children adapt differently to the acquisition of a new sibling, it can be particularly difficult for an older child who has been the center of Mom and Dad's world for quite some time.

Sara Dimerman, director and founder of the Parent and Child Education Center in Thornhill, Ontario, Canada, points out that "only children" who are older are used to having their needs being taken care of more quickly and may have a heightened level of impatience when asked to wait their turn. She suggests that parents in this situation "be prepared for the older child to show his resentment by saying that he hates the baby or wishes that the baby had never been born."

When I asked her about my son's reaction, she suggested that "the best way to deal with any expression of emotion is to acknowledge the feeling fully and unconditionally, [while] the worst way is to deny the emotion and dismiss it as silly."

Want to see more?

• Childhood Baby Blues: The Effects of a New Baby on Bedwetting
• Welcoming Your Second Child
• When I'm Angry and When I'm Afraid
• Arguing and Back-Talk
• The Bond of Siblings
• Talk about it!