In Search of a Super Sitter

By Teri Cooper Brown

The children called her "the babysitter from Meantown." She was the daughter of a family friend and an honor student. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were impressed with her friendly, mature manner. She introduced herself, then sat on the sofa with Chris, 6, and his 4-year-old sister, Caroline, who were just beginning to watch an eagerly anticipated Halloween movie. After instructing her to serve cookies and cocoa after the movie and put the kids to bed by 9:00 p.m., the Taylors kissed the children good-bye, then left for a well-earned evening at the movies, certain their children were in good hands.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor returned to find Chris and Caroline together in the bottom bunkbed, still in their play clothes. Chris sadly reported that he and his sister never watched the special movie they had waited so long to see, because after his mom and dad left, the sitter changed the television channel to MTV. She called several friends, and never served the cookies and cocoa as instructed. Instead, she talked on the phone the entire evening and ignored the kids, who eventually put themselves to bed. Though their children were probably never in real danger, the Taylors were furious, and vowed never again to use the selfish, irresponsible sitter.

Parents cringe at the thought of an apathetic, incompetent babysitter. But husbands and wives know that an occasional evening out keeps the pilot light burning in marriages relegated to the back burner when children are little. No one can replace a parent's love and care, but a caring, competent, temporary caregiver can be found with time, research and lots of patience.

Begin the sitter search with recommendations from friends, coworkers, neighbors or church members. Check with child care referral services and senior citizen centers. Marsha Hawley of the Erikson Institute for Child Development at the University of Illinois, says, "There is no ideal age for a child to be left with a babysitter. Each child is different, and each babysitter is different in terms of ability and experience. Younger children need more experienced caregivers." It is important to remember that older teenagers are not necessarily better babysitters. Dr. Alvin Poussaint, M.D., says, "Most parents find that sixth, seventh and eight-graders make ideal sitters. They have the maturity to be responsible, are delighted to be 'grown-up' enough to baby sit and do not have the same social distractions as high schoolers."

Telephone potential sitters and arrange a get-acquainted visit. Pay careful attention to the sitter's interaction with children. Does the relationship seem warm and positive? Watch for clues that indicate a relaxed, natural rapport with children -- stooping or sitting down to interact at the child's eye level, using calm, reassuring gestures and a soothing tone of voice or a gentle pat on the back. Inattention, overactivity or preoccupation may be signs of immaturity.

Share your philosophy of parenting, including preferred discipline policies, snack preferences or restrictions, and procedure for meal, bath and bedtime routines. Evaluate attitude, knowledge and experience, by asking:

• "Why do you want to babysit?"
• "Do you like children?"
• "Have you cared for children in the past? If so, what ages?"
• "Do you have any ideas or activities to occupy and entertain our children?"
• "How would you comfort an inconsolable child after her parents leave?"
• "What would you do if the child refuses to go to bed? Hits his sister? Has a temper tantrum?"