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Identical Individuals

Helping Twins Develop Their Own Identities

By Lisamarie Sanders

Kohl also urges parents to get their twins playing with other children as early as possible. It's easy for parents of twins to see the children as built-in playmates and therefore overlook the importance of socialization. But play dates and other social interactions are vital to a twin's development as an individual. "This type of socialization increases their confidence to make friends and prepares them for their eventual separation," she says.

Separation often occurs when the children enter school. Many school districts have policies requiring twins to be placed in different classrooms. Those without policies often encourage separation. It is a parent's responsibility to decide if this separation would be beneficial to the children.

"Read your kids, not the book," says Gromada. She says that many twins are very dependent on each other and would be better served in a classroom together. Segal recommends that schools and teachers treat every case as it arises. "Many times the children just need to see each other," she says. "Placing them at different tables or in different groups within the class will help foster independence while providing the needed security."

Another issue to consider with school-age children is their developing friendships. In many instances, one child may be invited somewhere without the other. This is a difficult issue for parents. "Although it's tough, you need to let the invited child go without his sibling," Brown says. "You'll severely limit your children's opportunities if you force people to invite both kids."

Want to see more?

• Just Like Me: The Challenges of Being a Preteen Twin
• Separation Anxiety: A Dad Reflects on Choosing Separate Classrooms for His Twins
• Two Peas in a Pod: 10 Ways to Encourage Individuality in Twin Toddlers
• Talk about it!

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