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Home › Articles › Multiples › Identical Individuals

Identical Individuals

Helping Twins Develop Their Own Identities

By Lisamarie Sanders

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Another way to encourage individuality is to spend time alone with each child every day. Two of the most powerful bonding times are during meals and baths. The primary caregiver should be involved with these activities as often as possible.

It is also important for parents to take pictures of each of the children separately. All children like to see pictures of themselves when they were babies, and it will reinforce their unique identities if they see pictures of one without the other. "To make it easier on yourself later, identify who's in the picture on the back as soon as they are developed," says Brown.

To Crayons...
As the infants grow into toddlers, helping them find a sense of self becomes even more important. It is at this age that most children learn independence, a trait that should be encouraged in twins.

At this stage, children can choose their own clothes. Let them decide whether they want to dress alike or differently. In addition, you can offer outfits that are similar, but different. Overalls with different colored shirts or playsuits in stripes and solids give the children variation while continuing to celebrate the twin connection.

Also important at this stage is the use of each child's name. Don't refer to them as "the twins" – call them by their names. And when using their names, remember to use each one individually. Recounting an example from her book, Kohl says, "I interviewed a set of twins who told me that for the longest time they didn't know their own names. They thought it was 'Kevin and Keith' because that's what everyone called them." Keep this in mind when summoning your children to dinner. Instead of always saying "Jenny and Beth, it's time to eat," call each one individually. These little things make a big difference.


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