25 Things Every New Mother Should Know

By Martha Sears, R.N.

In reaction to Freud, there's another school of thought that suggests that mothers aren't all that critical to their children's psyches. Children need dependable caregivers, yes, but these are more or less interchangeable, and group care not only is satisfactory, it also makes children independent at an earlier age. Babies do prefer their parents, but they really don't need all that one-on-one attention that goes along with traditional mothering. It's interesting that these theories have evolved at a time when more and more mothers of young children are in the workforce.

So where do you fit in? How important are you, a responsive, nurturing, trustworthy mother, to your baby's development? How do you know if you're making a difference?

In the parenting business, science often fails us. It's hard to study behavior that is as complicated as mother-and-infant interactions, much less relate these interactions to how children behave and feel years later. "Experts" speculate, spinning advice out of tiny threads of evidence, but who really knows?

I believe that experienced parents -- parents of children who are turning out well -- have the answers. Bill and I have talked to thousands of wise and seasoned mothers over the years, and while we don't pretend that this is a scientific sample, we do feel confident about relaying what we've learned from all these families. We believe that how you mother your children makes a difference in the kind of people they become.