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On Your Own
Becoming a Single Mom Through Choice
By Neilia Sherman
Elli Holman of Ashland, Mass., has a full understanding of the issues involved in the decision to become a single mother. She has done it twice: 5-year-old Jessica was conceived through artificial insemination, and two years later she adopted Emily, now 3, from Romania.
"I was 38 years old and in a financial position to do this on my own and figured that I could always get married but couldn't always have a child," says Holman.
For her, the biggest issues have been time and childcare. She works for a family-friendly company, which allows her the flexibility to leave early and work at home in the evenings when necessary. She moved close to her siblings in order to have daycare back up for her kids.
For Claudia Temple of Orcas, Wash., the decision to adopt two children came after her marriage disintegrated. Temple adopted Rhys, now 14, from India and Carly, now 9, from China. She faced a number of challenges, including finding reliable daycare, coping with her children's special needs and being able to make enough money while still spending time with her kids. During the past four years, she has switched to a home office in order to be more availableto her children. While dealing with these challenges was often overwhelming, she made it through the tough times.
Temple advises women contemplating this lifestyle to consider their own needs. "What was hard was carving out any time for myself and finding ways to keep myself going," she says. "Even now I have trouble with that since it is so easy to give 100 percent of your time and energy to your kids and your job."
Other suggestions from Temple? "Network with other moms and find other single moms to help you out," she says. "Don't be afraid to ask for help. Get organized, and don't ever run out of milk."
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