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Home › Articles › Fatherhood › Entering as a Husband

Entering as a Husband

Exiting as a Father

By Jay Sauls

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You have already experienced the "Restaurant Dash." Suddenly she gets a hankering for seafood, so you haul off to the local fish house. Halfway through the appetizer, she gets a really pained look on her face that lets you know everything's not quite right and she dives from the table. You rush ahead bowling over old women and children, screaming "Make way, make way my wife's trying to have a baby at the salad bar!" She shuffles behind, doing the best she can to keep up. Your wife glares at you as she staggers past you and into the bathroom. You don't know why she glared at you, but do have a sinking feeling in your belly that you really screwed up this time!



Fifteen minutes later, your wife exits the bathroom looking pale. The trip back to the table is slower and when you get there you find the table has been cleared. There's nothing left but a wet shine and your bill. After totaling up the cost of both meals, you decide that pickle-flavored salmon patties might be the way to go for the near future.

Tension builds as the days roll along, slowly bringing you closer to the delivery date. It doesn't take much to set your wife off. I used to stay in the dog house for such horrible crimes as breathing! Either I was doing it too hard, with too much nasal whine, or just that I was alive and consuming oxygen that "her" baby will later need! And friends, get used to "her" baby. Sure, you provided half of the necessary chromosomes to create the little life, but that is as far as your contribution extends. That is ... until it is time to drag home, sand down and repaint a warehouse full of used baby furniture!


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