Lisa Cohn can relate to Ivana Childs. She and her husband wrote about their experience in One Family, Two Family, New Family: Stories and Advice for Stepfamilies (Riverwood Books, 2004). Cohn wanted another child, but her husband, Bill Merkel, didn't. As a divorced dad entering a stepfamily, he felt he was too old and tired to have another baby. After attending a workshop led by a marriage expert, Merkel realized that if he identified some of his issues and ways to address them, he might be able to move forward and help realize Cohn's dream.

In their book, Merkel says that for hours and hours, they brainstormed about ways that he could be a father without feeling quite so overwhelmed, and they ended up striking a handful of unromantic but critical deals, like how to pay for childcare. Eventually, they did have a child.

As a result of her experience, Cohn advises others to "be willing to compromise in ways that aren't easy." She also says that during negotiations, you need to be clear about what you will and won't give up in order to have the baby. "Don't give up too much," she says. "You'll resent it later."